


Color me you, blue.

by outlawofideal



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Different take on romance, Drinking, Kid Fic, Melancholy, Multi, Old Relationships, Single Parents, Slow Romance, Undisclosed relationships - Freeform, anxiousness, becoming adults, fear of future, self doubt, small town
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:55:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24170911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outlawofideal/pseuds/outlawofideal
Summary: Jung Jaehyun thinks he has the perfect future laid in front of him. A solid degree. A bright career at the best firms. Fancy things to add on his upcoming title. But life crashes down on him at the age of 25 when a call changes everything.OrA young father who has no idea how to become a proper parent with a young toddler left to his care struggles to find himself, his heart and the trust of his son.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 128
Kudos: 543





	1. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a self indulgent project that I will try to write regularly. I hope to keep this a short chaptered fic, like a novella.
> 
> ** marks are for the usage of family titles as a casual nicknames as it is very common in many Asian cultures (like mine) to use it in a way to drop honorifics.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this fic. Please come talk with me about it!

The night has already settled on the city when Jaehyun manages to reach his apartment. He leans against the elevator wall to gather himself as he stares at the white envelope in his hand. He knows by the rushed actions of his employer that this will be the last envelope he will give Jaehyun. He would like to think he still has a spot to fill in that warehouse as a carrier but he knows they will go by just as easily with a couple of people less.

He doesn't know how he will find another place who would hire him and he is too tired to even think about it. He has been carrying packages for the last ten hours and he has no energy in him to even function.

He walks the cold corridor until he reaches his destination. He fixes his hair in a desperate attempt to be somewhat presentable before he rings his neighbors door. Soon the old lady opens the door for him.

“Ah, Jaehyun-ah I was getting worried about you.”

“Sorry for being late again. I am grateful for your help, grandma*” The lady smiles and swats her hand as she goes back in. Swiftly Jaehyun counts the amount inside the envelope once again. He hesitantly pulls out a couple of fifty thousand bills and pockets them. It won't be even enough for a weeks food. But he has been behind on the payment for far too long to be more generous with himself.

When the old lady comes back she is carrying his sleeping son.

His son. Little baby Jaemin. The only thing his world is revolving around. He is not sure how his life came to this point but right now Jaemin is all his life is.

He carefully takes his baby out of her arms, snuggles close to prevent him from waking up. He thanks and offers the envelope. Although his neighbor insists he doesn't have to, it's something that has been overdue. She has been taking care of Jaemin during the days when no daycare even let him step inside their doors.

He punches the code of his apartment, keeping a hand on Jaemin’s back as he navigates with his other. He drops his backpack on the floor, swiftly kicking his shoes. His apartment is a mess. The washing load from last week is still hung in the middle of the room. The kitchen is piled up with dishes. The blankets he use are all on the floor besides the coach.

He carefully lays his baby down on the mattress besides the window. He makes sure to cover him before sinking down on the floor. His eyes wander around emptily. Desperation settles in. His eyes glaze up as he blanks while staring at the mess he lives in.

He is not sure how much times passes in between him desperately sitting and dozing off. But the needy cry he became to recognize from distances brings him back to reality. He rushes towards Jaemin, coddling him in his arms. He starts rubbing his back in attempts of soothing him. It usually works but tonight Jaemin clings onto him.

He notices the loud drizzle hitting the windows then. “Hey baby,” He whispers. “It’s fine. Everything is fine.”

It’s not fine. He is not fine. Jaemin is still crying even after he tries everything he can think of. He tries feeding him, singing to him. They don't work. Once the drizzle outside is now becomes a downpour and it leaks in from the hole in the window frame. It’s a cruel reminder that winter is almost at the door. Jaehyun has no money to pay his rent let alone to buy clothes to keep his baby warm.

Before he realizes, he too is crying. Tears roll down his cheeks as he strolls around the one room apartment in hopes of it might calm Jaemin.

The problem is he doesn't know how to be a parent. He doesn't know how to even communicate with his baby. He talks to him, tries to be a good dad but the truth is Jaemin doesn't know Jaehyun. He doesn't trust him. Jaemin doesn't talk asides murmured babbling. He doesn't eat anything Jaehyun offers. Jaehyun knows his son is too old to be like this. He tried his best to learn about babies. But Jaehyun doesn't know what he can even do when he can't pay for a doctor.

When his attempts take over an hour with a wide awake baby in his arms, he desperately pulls his phone out. Jaemin is still whining but calmer than before. He himself is still shedding tears standing in the middle of a hellhole.

The phone rings once. Twice. Three times.

_ “Jaehyun? Son, are you okay?”  _ The voice of his mother echoes on the line. It is more than enough for him to break down.

“Mom,” he sobs. Now he is the one in need of soothing. Jaemin stares up with his clever eyes, trying his best to understand his dad.

_ “Did something happen, Jaehyun? Should I come to you?” _ His mom sounds concerned, the sounds off ruffling fills their conversation. _ “My baby, it’s okay. Mom will come to you.” _

“Mom,” he sniffles. “Can I come home?”

The line stays silent for a while.  _ “Jaehyun, of course you can. You called me at three in the morning. I thought something bad happened.” _

He tries his best to hold back on his sobs. “No. No, mom. I just missed you.”

❄❄❄

_ Jaehyun enjoys drinking. He won't lie. Living in Seoul offers him bunch of places to visit, fill his stomach and have fun with his friends. And he is one of the lucky bunch, having friends that already hold the title of attorneys. They earn enough money to spoil their youngest, paying for most of their outings. _

_ That makes everything even more fun. Johnny assures Jaehyun that he will make the younger pay once he finishes his training. Jaehyun orders another round of drinks just to piss him off. _

_ He enjoys every last bit of his early twenties. In a year he will start working alongside his friends if he is lucky, earning more than he can spend. He will buy a house in five years. Maybe marry someone he meets along the ride. But for now, he drinks at a food stall alongside the suited attorneys that provides a safe haven for him to enjoy. _

_ Johnny calls for a driver, they take the older boy’s fancy foreign car. When he steps out of it, the cool breeze that September carries hits him in the face. He slurs his goodbyes. For a minute he stands at the boss stop before his housing complex. Head too fuzzy to move at a normal pace. The fresh air helps him to gather himself before walking. _

_ His phone rings. Repeatedly. Way too loud for him to handle. _

_ “Hello?” He presses it to his ear. _

_ “Is this Jung Jaehyun?” Comes an unfamiliar female voice. _

_ “Uhm, yes, this is he.” _

_ “Sir, you should come to Asan Medical Center.” _

❄❄❄

The train ride from Seoul to his hometown is interestingly calm to say. As the train passes through bigger cities more and more people get off the ride. Jaehyun is thankful to bring one of the books he would be studying if he was doing his internship this year. Jaemin seems to be amazed by the nature passing by, sprawled against the window. For a change it is not impossible to get along with him since he was dropped into Jaehyun's arms. 

Jaehyun presses a kiss on top of the baby's head before going back to his reading. From the lack of noises Jaemin makes to attract his attention is enough to ease his worries. He still holds him very close to his chest with an arm around his ever-wiggling body.

People stare at them. Jaemin is one of those very cute babies that adores taking the spotlight. Ladies coo at him, ask questions to Jaehyun. They usually leave with weary looks at Jaehyun who can't answer most of those questions because he doesn't know.

He doesn't know more than he learned in the last three months. He hates not knowing but he came to realize there's nothing he can do other than trying his best.

Around five in the evening his baby falls asleep on his chest. Giving Jaehyun the alone time to drown in his thoughts. He has been wondering how he did end up like this since the day Jaemin was left to his care.

It would already be the halfway mark of his mandatory internship and after that he would be working alongside his friends from college. He remembers how painful the call to the lawyer he was supposed to work besides. He barely got accepted despite several recommendations. It wasn't even a full month before he had to quit because there was no way he would be able to look after Jaemin. They would ask him to do overtime as he was the rookie, he would be sent to various scenes to collect evidence or just run errands around the city to pick up higher-ups' dry cleaning.

It's not like he didn't try. He searched for anywhere to that could look after a barely toddler. Asked around. Looked up on the internet. Daycares he has found sternly refused to take in a baby so young. And the pay he would get from the internship would not be enough to feed a baby. 

Before he made the call, he sat down on his bed. Contemplating his options very seriously. He could do the same thing Jaemin's mother did. He could just leave him in a safe space and hope for the best. But Jaemin stared into his eyes intently like he knew. So desperate and glossy. Jaehyun couldn't just do that to Jaemin again. He couldn't leave the baby out in the streets.

Instead he called the office and quit without a reason. He knew his options to get another chance like this internship will be slim but Jaemin needed him. Jaemin didn't have anyone besides Jaehyun.

That was three months ago. When he decided to try his best for Jaemin.

He cant particularly say he regrets it when Jaemin snuggles into his chest like this. His tiny hands grab Jaehyun's shirt, making sure he won't leave while he is asleep. It is comforting to see Jaemin trusting him.

When they first met Jaemin was as scared of being with him as Jaehyun. They were both scared of the new unfamiliar person but slowly came to an even ground. At least that's what Jaehyun gathers as Jaemin cant speak more than babbles. 

Their arrival takes longer than Jaehyun expects. The sun has gone down a while ago. The train station is empty besides them. Looking the same as he remembers. Last time he has been here was the break between college and law school and that was years ago.

He puts on the kangaroo carry-on so Jaemin can continue his naps while they travel through the town and to the village. It takes another ride to reach even close to his home, this time with a city bus. With every other minute, Jaehyun starts to worry so much about Jaemin throwing one of his tantrums. Like how he usually does when is dropped in a new environment. Surprisingly it doesn't come. From time to time he opens his eyes barely enough to check on Jaehyun and goes back into another short nap. Jaehyun rubs his back to help him lull back.

"We are home baby." He whispers, once he spots the old house with its ruined fence. He stands at the metal gate for more than necessary. His worries come to surface, his hand nervously placed on Jaemin's back. His baby rubs his nose along Jaehyun's chest and that feels like all the encouragement he needs.

To say his mom is shocked is an understatement. They stand awkwardly at the threshold.

"Jaehyun-ah," She whispers, her eyes locked on the baby cocooned on her son's chest.

"Mom~" He tries to stand tall. To explain everything.

But his speaking abilities seem to vanish when he sees the sadness wash over his mother's face. He breaks down. There. Then. When the night breeze licks his skin. The yellow lamp casts a ghostly light over them.

His tears run down, wetting his face, neck and hoodie. "Mom, I'm sorry."

"Oh baby. My baby." She rushes towards him, enveloping his cheeks with her soft hands. She gently wipes his tears away.

Jaemin gurgles in between them. His hands holding onto his father like he is the one protecting. Jaehyun watches as his baby takes all of his mother's attention. Her features soften. "Oh-"

Jaehyun sniffles as he takes off the kangaroo carry-on. "Mom, this Jaemin. My son."

❄❄❄

He wakes up with the clatter around the house for the first time in years. His first instinct is to check on Jaemin. Relief washes over him once he sees him sleeping besides him.

He rubs his eyes and listens to the sounds for a moment before deciding to get out of his childhood bed. He drags his feet on the floor as he goes to the kitchen. He pours himself a cup of water before looking around.

After a couple of minutes his mother exists her bedroom, wearing her diving suit. A black professional one that covers her from ankle to neck.

"Are you going to work?" He mumbles. "I didn't know the season has started."

"You never know the seasons." She mutters. She carries her supplies to the door and pulls a jacket on top of her suit. "There's food in the fridge. Make sure to have something."

He nods. "I'll probably have to go to the mart to buy some supplies for Jaemin."

His mother stops for a second. Not used to the idea of having a grandchild yet. "Go to the Lee's shop. They have the freshest produce." She puts on her fishing boots at the threshold.

"Is it still at the same corner?" Jaehyun follows her to the patio. Stepping on the harsh wood with his bare feet.

"Go inside Jaehyun! You will get sick." His mother scolds him like the old times. It makes him smile. "And make sure to be back by afternoon. We should have a proper talk." She says before taking off. The sun is barely out but this is something they are used to.

His mother has been working as a diver along with other women in their village. Hunting for mussels, scallions and other seafood. It is the main income source for their town. Men usually fish during the night while women dive for more expensive goods. That's what has put their town on the map.

Jaehyun never learned how to be a fisherman, there was no one to guide him during his life. So he never sought a job at the piers. His school notes were too good for that anyway.

❄❄❄

It is a more reasonable time of the day when Jaehyun takes them out of the house. They walk through the gravel roads until the bus stop. The travel time is shorter than it felt like yesterday night. This time the town welcomes them with a comfortable buzz. Shops are open, people are walking on the streets, cars drive by.

He finds his way through the streets, reaching the one crowded by the shops and restaurants. Something akin to a town center with how many necessary businesses are located on it. It's not hard to find Lee's shop, it is located on the very end of the street one that is furthest away from the shoreline.

For once Jaehyun is happy about being away from the shore. The high humidity combined with the winds of the sea is not good for a baby. He has tried his best to cover Jaemin with a blanket akin to not having winter clothes appropriate for him.

Lee's store is warm. It’s small but filled with various things one might need. It is his mother’s favorite mart to shop because the owners are so nice. They have known the family since forever.

The moment door closes behind, Jaemin struggles to be let go. Jaehyun hushes him, looking around for the uncle* Lee. The cashier is empty with no one around. He walks in between the isles to reach the back, where the baby stuff has always been.

“Hello?” Someone calls for him finally. One of the family members must be here.

“Hey,” He says as he eyes the brands of formula. There comes rustling and the sound of glasses clinking against each other before someone appears down the aisle.

It is one of the sons of the family. His jeans and giant t shirt are combined with the cap pulled down to cover his eyes. “What can I help you with?” He calls as he approaches. Jaehyun immediately recognizes the melodic tone of his voice.

Jaehyun doesn't expect it to be Taeyong. Lee’s have three sons. Lee Taeyong is the youngest of them all. He was a senior when Jaehyun started high school. They would hang out from time to time, Jaehyun doing his absolute best to be around Lee Taeyong. He thought he was the coolest guy in the town. Back then Taeyong would refuse to be even near the store. Now after seven years they meet again in the place Taeyong wouldn't be seen in.

He stares blatantly at Jaehyun and the baby in his arms. “Jung Jaehyun?” He asks, unsure. His usual sharp eyes soften as he takes in Jaemin.

Before Jaehyun can answer back, Jaemin's shriek fills in the store. He kicks his father in the chest repeatedly, not caring about anything but to be let go. Jaehyun sighs, defeated.

“Can I let him down?” He asks Taeyong. And of course Taeyong nods, like the kind soul he is.

Jaehyun makes a quick work of unbuckling the kangaroo carry-on. Jaemin clings onto him until Jaehyun can take him out of the carry-on. They are now used to the routine of this. When finally he is let down on the ground, he grins far too widely with the achievement of his mischievous acts. “No running. And no picking things. Don't lose my sight.” He warns but Jaemin is already enchanted by the bright colored packaging on the shelves. It’s a lost battle. Jaehyun gives up.

Taeyong waits for them patiently, leaning against one of the refrigerators. “Is he-” He starts his sentence but hesitates.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun shrugs. No use of hiding anymore. He is already gave up on his so said reputation before he decided to come back here. “My son, Jaemin.” Taeyong nods. Simply accepts the fact. He doesn't digs deeper with questions, like every other person in this town. But his nonchalant reaction shortly turns into an awkward silence.

Jaehyun busies himself with the display of formula and blended meals for babies. Until Taeyong speaks again. “Do you need anything from me? I’ll help.” They look at each other for a while. It's mostly Jaehyun that does the staring. When Taeyong stands there, with his tanned cheeks and mismatched casual outfit he represents everything Jaehyun tried to leave behind when he moved to Seoul. He did everything not to be the country boy at his college. He did even more to forget his baby crush on the boy who loved everything about the country. Even if he hated the store, Taeyong has always had this pride about being from where they are. He never tried to hide his cute dialect. He walked around proudly, he loved the fruit gardens his family had. He loved sunbathing in the middle of nowhere, just enjoying the moment. Everything Jaehyun despised about the town but loved it on Taeyong.

“Ah,” he finally mumbles. “Yeah. Can you help me with some fruit?”

It’s easy to fall back into a chat with Taeyong. He talks about aything and everything when he navigates around to pull the every little thing Jaehyun forgot to bring for Jaemin. He tells him about the aunties, the new restaurants around, how some of their friend group is doing now.

Jaehyun checks on his baby every other sentence to make sure he is there. Jaemin does this mix of crawling with waddling around while holding onto the bottom shelves for his dear life. It's adorable. Thankfully Taeyong is a gracious person who lets the baby go rogue, knocking over some things.

When they manage to go through Jaehyun’s checklist, the table before the cashier is filled with a small mountain of stuff. In partial shame Jaehyun fiddles with his wallet to pull every single bill out of its crevices. The two final fifty thousand bills stare at him when he hands them over.

“Hey, Jaehyun, where is Jaemin?” Taeyong asks.

“What? He should be by the dairy fridge.” He furrows, eyes scouring the store.

“Dude, he is definitely not there.” Concern fills him, followed by fear. He sprints between the isles to look for Jaemin. But he is no where to find. Jaehyun feels at the brim of crying as he panics. Not knowing what to do.

They hear the bell above the door chime then.

“Has someone lost a baby?” The incomer asks. Jaehyun’s head snaps in the direction of the voice. He sees giggling Jaemin in the arms of the man. He doesn't even take a glance at the man when he rushes towards them, swiftly taking Jaemin away. He enfolds his son into his chest.

“I told you to stay close didn't I.” He scolds as he scans for any possible sores over Jaemin. Once he realizes there’s nothing more than some dirt on his knees, he takes a deep breath. “Don’t scare me like that!”

Jaemin scrunches his face, not understanding the concern of his father.

“Jaemin-ah, you can't do this. Okay?” He brushes Jaemin’s soft head of hair. Jaemin leans into the touch, his face still washed with confusion. “Please baby, listen to me.” He whispers.

When he turns around, the man and Taeyong are watching him with concern.

“Is he okay?” The man asks. He has dark brown hair covering most of his soft features. He stands tall, his whole aura demanding attention, just not as much as Jaemin. Jaehyun feels like he knows him somehow yet can't pinpoint from where.

“Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.” Jaemin also answers in his own way of babbling. His small arms reaches towards the man.

“PA!” He yells.

“Yes baby?” Automatically Jaehyun answers without minding his reaction much. As pa is one of the few exclaims Jaemin uses to express himself.

“Pa!” He repeats, making grabby hands towards the man. It makes things awkward.

The man scratches the back of his head. “Uhm, I can hold him while you pay?”

He doesn't know the man enough to let him hold Jaemin. “You really don't have to. It’s fine.” He tries to reject as kindly as possible.

“Jaehyun, it is fine. Doyoung is great with kids.” Taeyong assures him.

He has forgotten that everyone in this small town knows each other somehow. It doesn't surprise him that Taeyong knows the man but the fact that Jaehyun doesn't recognizes him at first look.

When the name attaches well with the man’s looks Jaehyun remembers him. They went to the same high school, like everyone else from this town. Back then Doyoung had bright yellow tips with a fringe that masked most of his face, contrasting the soft wavy locks he is supporting right now. His classic wool coat with the blue crisp shirt underneath looks nothing like the rebellious clothes he hid underneath his school uniforms.

“Kim Doyoung-ssi?” He asks.

The man nods.

“Ah, sorry for not recognizing you. Been a while.”

“No worries,” Doyoung smiles. A deep dimple appears on the side of his lips. The side of his eyes crinkle. “Good to see you again Jung Jaehyun.”

❄❄❄

Dinner is awkward at best. His mother makes dinner for them, followed by Jaehyun nervously making a bottle of formula just in case. His mother scolds him for it but from his short experience he wants to be prepared.

Almost to prove him wrong Jaemin warms up to her immediately. Unlike the whole week it took Jaehyun to even feed him without Jaemin throwing everything up. Jaemin enjoys the attention as usual, beams at the care of his grandmother. Like he is relieved someone finally understands him, unlike Jaehyun.

He lingers on his grandmother’s lap during the whole evening, including dinner time. They sit down to eat the small table Jaehyun grew up with. The jjigae his mother makes is amazing as usual, only it is not spicy this time. She feeds Jaemin tiny spoons followed by a lot of rice to mellow the flavors. And Jaemin accepts it all. Jaehyun wants to cry watching his baby eat proper food.

His fingers remains clasp around the bottle filled with the formula as he watches them.

“You can't feed a child his size formula, Jaehyun.” His mother scolds. “He is too old for it.”

He knows that. He has already knew that. “I-I” He stumbles over words. He doesn't know how to explain that he tried everything else. “Ma-”

“How old is he, really?” She asks while making faces to amuse Jaemin. “Twelve months? Fifteen months?”

“He will be twenty months next week.” His mother’s eyes grow impossibly large with the shock.

“Twenty?! Jaehyun he is so small!” She says the words Jaehyun has already known deep down but refused to accept. He looks at his baby, grabbing onto his mother with his tiny hands. He really is smaller than his peers. His clothes always ill fitting even when Jaehyun bought the proper age fit.

“Ma-” His eyes fill with tears again. This is too many times in a week. “It’s my fault. I-I don't know anything about being a father. I don't know how to do this.” He covers his face with his hand. Desperation kills him. Not being enough. It's enough that Jaemin doesn't trust him. But also failing him as a parent, not being able to take care of him properly. That messes up Jaehyun.

“Where is his mother Jaehyun?” He looks up between his fingers, his mother's concerned face welcomes him.

“I don't know.” He sighs. “I wish I knew.”

“Jung Jaehyun!” She yells. “How can you not know! You must know about the mother of your baby.”

He breaks then. All the frustration of the past three months finally being let out.“I don't know, Mom! I fucking don't know where she is! She left him and disappeared into thin air, okay! I didn't have time to even think about her!” He immediately regrets raising his voice. But his mother seems to understand.

“My baby,” She sounds as wounded as him. “It’s okay. We will figure this out.” Even with how disappointed she must be with him, she still tries to console him.

“How long have you had him, Jaehyun?” She asks, gently this time. “What else do you know?”

“Not long. I don't know anything about him. Only his identification was left with him. She named him with my last name, registering me as the father. That’s all I know. I didn't even know she was pregnant to begin with.” He wishes he knew from the beginning. He is not sure how it would turn out if that was the case but it couldn't be worse than this.

“And are you his father, Jaehyun?” His mother asks, the most serious she has been this whole time.

Jaehyun look at Jaemin then. His eyes trail down the soft features and the mischievous smile he carries whenever he feels at ease. How his eyes disappear into that smile. How desperately he holds onto the person that carries him. Jaemin who needs him. Jaemin who doesn't have anybody else. He can't leave him even if the blood results said they weren't related.

“I am now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> We will delve more into what happened to Jaehyun in past and with the mother of Jaemin. I would like to hear everyone's opinions on it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, if you have kudos and comments are very much appreciated.  
> You can find me on twitter at [outlawofideal](https://twitter.com/outlawofideal) and on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/outlawofideal) with the same handle.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I am here with a short update. Hope you guys enjoy this as much as you did the first chapter!

December doesn't come kindly. Being besides the sea is something Jaehyun has grown up with. But Jaemin hasnt known anything other than Jaehyun’s shabby apartment.

It’s not particularly cold perse. But the constant humidity gets to them. Jaehyun feels it in his bones. Something he never thought he would experience but apparently city weather gets to a man after seven years.

He spends his mornings lingering on the porch, trade laws study sheets spread around as if he can actually concentrate. He tries though, that’s what matters. All because he can't let go. He has spent every year of his youth to become someone important, spent seven years through two universities to get his degree. Some part of him still itches to go back to work.

But then Jaemin giggles at him when the wind chimes dance in the breeze. It makes up for all the inner turmoil he goes through daily. They roll around the blanket his mother forcefully spread on the wooden floor. Jaemin seems to like this new freedom of having a larger playground. He snuggles into Jaehyun when he is not stumbling around with his favorite plush bunny dragging behind. Jaehyun covers him with cardigans or blankets when possible but remains worried that the weather will get to his baby.

Thankfully his mother knows what she is doing. She always leaves them warm food before going to work at the crack of the dawn and feeds them again once she is back. In her hands Jaemin comes to love eating rice and soups. Mostly containing various seafood, which was something Jaehyun despised as a kid.

He expected Jaemin to refuse everything like he had done with Jaehyun’s attempts but he doesn't. He becomes putty in his grandmother’s hold. He even lets Jaehyun feed him in the mornings when grandma is not there. He sits in between Jaehyun’s legs and patiently waits the next spoonful of food.

Jaehyun doesn't know how to adjust to this new change. He still gets caught by surprise when Jaemin gets on his feet to reach an item of food willingly. He stares blatantly when the baby stuffs his cheeks with an egg roll. He looks truly adorable when he eats, now that he eats proper food.

Jaehyun regrets spending his last money on a expensive bottle of formula but decides it is good as long as Jaemin is well.

On the evenings things progress much more differently, Jaemin goes to his daily nap. His mother arrives from the work and changes into her warmer clothes. She even pulls out some of Jaehyun’s teenager clothes so he has something to keep cozy. Her presence gives Jaehyun a moment to take for himself. Something he didn't have since he found Jaemin.

He gets out of the house on the call of Taeyong. It happens with a literal call on his mother’s landline because they don't have each other’s numbers anymore. There’s no place to hang out in the village Jaehyun’s house is located he travels to the town once again.

The cafe they end up meeting at must be new cause Jaehyun has no memory of a place such as this. It reminds him one those concept cafes located in Hongdae with the brick walls and many lush plants. It brings warmth to his heart, something comforting from all those years he accustomed to that giant city.

Taeyong awaits him inside. He is cozied with a soft plush jacket and a beanie covering his unruly hair. He must be still struggling to style his hair. Jaehyun fondly remembers the moss of bangs that curtained his face and how he hated getting cuts.

It is easy to look at Taeyong when he is someone that demands attention. He always have been. Jaehyun honestly believes he would have been a celebrity if he hasn't decided to stay and run his family’s farm.

Jaehyun have been one of those people that always looked at Taeyong. Besides his incredible face, he had the warm personality that pulled everyone in. Now when he sits across the man,he doesn't blame his younger self for crushing after Lee Taeyong even when that meant everyone laughing at him.

It was devastating to realize he liked Taeyong more than an idolized senior back when he was sixteen. It was terrible when he realized not many people thought like Jaehyun. They were stern about boys being friends to other boys. Now it all feels like fond memories. He is much more confident of his feelings, his sexuality and love life. He is honestly too grateful to Taeyong for never actually refusing his feelings. Never blatantly embarrassing Jaehyun. The older boy accepted them as is and went on with his life. Jaehyun was appreciative of Taeyong’s matureness once he realized Taeyong was trying his best to not crush Jaehyun.

Now when he sits before Taeyong once again, with all the balances tipped off by the weight of Jaehyun’s life choices. He feels nothing more than fondness to an old friend.

Taeyong smiles brightly at him when he speaks. He obviously doesn't care much about how Jaehyun fucked his life. He just talks about how great the things are at the farms. He even offers to give many fruits for the baby’s health. And that’s the only time he talks about Jaemin.

For someone who lived with the same clique of people since they were born, he knows how to read people so well. It is something Jaehyun struggled the most but had learned overtime as his profession called for it.

He misses being around his college peers and hyungs. He misses going to watch trials and study cases besides Johnny. He truly believed this was what he meant to do in life. He would be helping people and have enough money to actually survive.

Now he doesn't know if he will ever have a real job.

“Hyung,” He mumbles behind his coffee cup.

Taeyong hums in acknowledgement.

“You know everything around here, right?”

His smiles encouragingly. “I wouldn't say everything but a good chunk of it.”

“I am thinking of looking for a job soon. Do you think there is anything I can do around the town?” He asks timidly. “I’ll do anything.”

Taeyong considers his words for a good while. Jaehyun can practically see the gears turning in his head before, “Ah! Jaehyun-ah you must be really lucky!” He beems.

Jaehyun doesn't really consider himself lucky with the way his life have been going south for a while. But he trusts his hyung.

“There’s a new guy around the town. He opened a law consultancy, like a year ago. I heard he is an attorney like you!”

Jaehyun butts in to fix his words. “I am not an attorney-” They don't mean much to Taeyong.

“Attorney, lawyer, technicalities.” He waves his hand around. “It’s same same to me. Whatever, I am saying that he probably will like assistance of someone knowledgeable such as you. From what I know he works all alone there. What do you think?”

“I am not sure I qualify,hyung. I don’t even have my-”

“There’s no wrong in asking, is there Jaehyun?” There isn't. But it all sounds too good to be true. He has lost the concept of accepting things as is. He has been overthinking everything to the degree that he doesn't know how to stop.

“And if that doesn't work, there are plenty of people we can ask.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course, Jaehyun-ie! Everyone in this town is family. We will find you a job.”

❄❄❄

_ The medical center is an endless maze. The grounds are so big that it takes him ten minutes to find the ER. _

_ When he finally does it takes him another minute to find the desk. He is not even what is happening.  _

_ But the nurse in charge recognizes his name and takes him to a less hectic part of the ER. _

_ What welcomes him is the surprise of his life. They show him a baby, fast asleep on a bed that is too big for it. _

_ "We found him on the incomers door. He has only his identification and birth certificate." _

_ "I don't understand." He doesn't. He is too drunk to comprehend anything. _

_ "We only could reach you." The nurse seems hesitant as she explains.  _

_ "What do you mean? I don't have a child." _

_ "Sir, your name is listed as the father."  _

_ "I am telling you! I don't have a kid!" He yells suddenly, nothing makes sense. Not one bit. He doesn't have a kid. Hadn't had a girlfriend since year two. _

_ The nurse helps him calm down, taking him away from the baby so the baby doesn't wake up. She makes him sit down and take a breather. _

_ Then she hands him the fancy certificate. _

_ Jung Jaemin, it says.  _

_ Born in 2018 _

_ Mother Kang Sooyoung _

_ Father Jung Jaehyun. _

❄❄❄

He stares at the phone screen in his hand when the call falls for the fifth time that night. His fingers linger on the contact name.

_ Kang Sooyoung. _

He knows no one will pick up. She won't be there at the end of the line. No miracle will happen. He called before. Many times. There was no answer. But that doesn't stop him from trying again.

As he presses the phone to his ear, he walks towards the nearby convenience store. He feels a wicked relief knowing he can leave Jaemin behind. With his mom. And have a breath. Alone.

The call falls once again.

Frustrated, Jaehyun stuffs his phone into his pocket. The bells above the door rings as he pushes inside the store. Walking up to the counter, he eyes the cigarettes. It’s a bad habit, to fall back to cigarettes for emotional relief. He knows very well.

That doesn't mean, he won't fall for it. He asks a pack, pulling his wallet out. There’s not much left in it. He is desperate. To not be in despair. The amount left makes barely for the price with a lighter added.

While he counts his money another customer places four cans of beer. He recognizes the man by his posture. He is almost as tall as Jaehyun and his solid frame is unmistakably him. 

And his snarky tongue. “Should I pay? Or will you?”

This marks the second time he meets Kim Doyoung in a desperate position.

He places the bills down on the counter before snatching his purchase. His instincts tell him to get away from further embarrassment. He walks out without taking another look. As soon as the door closes behind him, he makes a quick but clumsy work out of the plastic wrappings and places a cig between his lips.

The bells chimes again as he manages to light it.

He breathes in.

Doyoung stands half a meter away from him.

“So you smoke?” His eyes take in Jaehyun carefully. Something in them makes Jaehyun uncomfortable.

“Sometimes.” He mumbles.

“Didn't peg you for a smoker.” He starts walking away without waiting for an answer, towards the same direction Jaehyun’s house is. Unintentionally Jaehyun tails him.

Soon their steps fall together, sliding on the harsh gravel. It’s silent. Awkward. Yet something along Doyoung’s disregardful stance feels safe. Something of his past. As they walk the same roads.

“So,” Doyoung breaks the silence, filling the cold air. “A baby, huh?”

Jaehyun stops in his tracks. They lock eyes. Something dances inside Doyoung’s dark irises. They have always been sharp and challenging. Now under the week street lights, something curious faces Jaehyun. Almost playful.

“Yeah,” He doesn't know what else to say. Throws away the half smoked cigarette. “Yeah.” He repeats, lower in volume.

Doyoung nods. They keep walking. The absence of speech highlights the waves in distance. Chill runs down Jaehyun’s spine.

“No other questions?” Now he is the curious one. Unlike everyone in this town, who have been asking a run down story from him, Doyoung lets him be secretive. It reminds him of Taeyong. Different to Taeyong he is not stepping around on tiptoes, trying to not hurt him. He just stops, the glint of curiosity disappears. Just like that.

Doyoung shakes his head no. “You don't seem to want to talk about it.”

The barely there conversation comes to an end when they reach the crossroad for Doyoung. His house is just around the corner. They stand there not knowing what to do, it’s like they are back to highschool days. He remembers Kim Doyoung cycling from the school, passing by everyone with his giant smile. Yelling everyone to get out of his way. Because it was  _ his  _ way.

Kim Doyoung somehow is same after seven years. His nonchalant attitude remains when he pushes his hands in his jean pockets and stares. His lips give out his emotions, they purse whenever the gears in his head start turning. He is snarky and sudden. Speaking his mind. 

It makes Jaehyun at ease. Being besides Doyoung doesn't require him to read into the changes. Doyoung is Doyoung.

When he stands there on the street, lingering ten meters away from his house, he is still the casual guy who was a part of Jaehyun’s childhood. “Hey, wanna walk to the harbour?” He asks. “I got drinks.” He raises the bag as if to point it.

Jaehyun has nothing better to do for him to deny. He hadn't have something to drink in a long while. Not since that night. The night Jaemin found him.

“Yeah, let’s go for a walk.”

When they walk to the harbour and he swings the bag even though he knows there are beer cans in there. Playful glances he sends Jaehyun as the younger watches the unfortunate fate of the fizzy drinks. Doyoung is still Doyoung.

The harbour welcomes them. The water is still between the concrete fences yet they can clearly hear the sound of powerful waves crashing into the wavebreakers. The soft wind brushes Doyoung’s hair away, giving Jaehyun glimpses as they pass under each street lamp. The chill makes them snuggle into their jackets until they find a seat.

The benches near the shore are uncomfortable to say at least. But it is good enough to crack open beers. When the beers overflow, daubing Doyoung’s slender fingers in foam they laugh. The older looks at him fondly as he licks of the disgusting foam off his skin.

Jaehyun is more careful, opening his away from their bodies yet somehow he still manages to spill. Doyoung jokes about unfortunate events he clearly caused himself. Jaehyun flicks the rest of droplets on his fingers towards him.

The first can feels like a dream. Having a drink after months. First time since that night. Since Jaemin found his way to Jaehyun. Under the stupid flickering street lamp as it fights against the night covering Kim Doyoung’s face. A friend he hasn't known having.

It’s warm despite the winter winds.

It’s calm against the crashing waves.

It’s a memory that itches into Jaehyun’s brain when Doyoung asks, “How have you been?”

Words he doesn't expect hit him harder than he thinks. It has been so long since someone asked how it was for him, instead of getting lost into his past choices. Not even his mother, despite holding Jaehyun like a baby when he cried. She took Jaemin in her arms and the baby became everything in minutes.

No, he is not jealous of his son.

But someone actually seeing Jaehyun as a person instead of a father for once makes him crumble.

He looks up at Doyoung and whispers. “I don't know. I honestly don't know.”

❄❄❄

It’s about a week in to their stay that he wakes up to Jaemin wailing through the night. It doesn't happen often. Not after their first week. Although Jaemin is a fussy child he usually will remain in cuddles for hours on end. So when Jaehyun hears him cry, loud and desperate he knows something is wrong. He immediately jolts up from his sleep.

He crawls towards him on the other side of the bed, rubbing his eyes to take a better look. Jaemin reaches for him too. When Jaehyun snuggles him close to his chest, he realizes that Jaemin is literally burning. He has a fever.

Running on instincts he gets out of the room, his feet dragging on the floor.

“It’s okay baby. Papa is here.” They reach the bathroom soon. The lamp burns bright yellow, hurting Jaehyun’s eyes with the suddenness. But he doesn't have time to adjust when Jaemin desperately nestles into him.

He pushes the tap open, lets the water run until it is cooled. He tests with his hands before cupping some to wash Jaemin’s face gently. He hopes the water will help him cool down. He lets his baby get distracted by the water running down his skin, slowly rubbing his head with water to relieve him from the discomfort.

After the short wash up, they walk around the living room to calm Jaemin’s agitation. When he checks once again, the fever seems to remain but at least now his baby is calmer than before. They settle down besides the ground table. Jaemin opts for watching the cartoon Jaehyun set up on his phone.

“Mom!” He calls after a while because he doesn't know what to do.

Soon enough, his mother comes out of her room. Very sleepy just like Jaehyun. “Hmm? Jaehyun-ie?” He lets her come closer before speaking.

“Mom, Jaemin has a fever.” She instantly wakes up.

“Did you wash him?” She comes closer to check for herself.

Jaehyun nods. “I just don't know what else to do.”

“Okay, let’s wait together.” She goes into kitchen to grab a cold water bottle. She mixes carefully until the water is cool enough to give Jaemin his bottle. His baby latches onto the bottle, clearly thirsty. Jaehyun feels terrible for not thinking of it first.

His mother perches besides them, bringing her legs underneath. She reaches over Jaehyun’s arm and pets Jaemin’s hair. “How long has it been?”

“Half an hour? Maybe. I am not sure.” He pouts. The idea of not being enough strikes once again when he watches how naturally his mother handles Jaemin. How easy for them to make a bond makes Jaehyun insanely jealous, which in turn makes him feel shittier about everything.

They wait. And wait. It takes a toll on Jaehyun to sit down as time passes. He rolls down to the floor, pressing Jaemin into his chest. He hums a song. Desperate for Jaemin to feel better as sleep takes over their bodies. He feels eyes close several times before he jolts awake to make sure Jaemin is alright. Thankfully Jaemin eventually gives into the sleep in the arms of his dad.

Morning takes too long to arrive. With the restless sleep he had, Jaehyun finds hard to even crack his eyes open. The sun seems barely up when he finally does. The blue hue has taken over everything, seeping in from the windows. It’s maybe an hour after the crack of dawn with the way everything around them is hazy. He immediately checks Jaemin, something of an instinct at this point. Pressing the back of his hand on the baby’s forehead.

For his dismay, Jaemin still feels too hot. He is sweaty and barely sleeping with small whines coming from his pursed lips. Jaehyun searches for his mother, finding her at the kitchen packing rice into a container.

“Ma-” Jaehyun whispers, trying his best to not wake Jaemin out of his already restless sleep.

“Jaehyun, stay there for awhile.” She puts the container in a bag. “I’ll pack your things.”

“Ma, I don't understand.”

“Jaehyun,” She stares at Jaehyun dead in the eye. “We must take Jaemin to the hospital.”

❄❄❄

The hospital located in the town can barely considered one. They still have an emergency room. Even in the early hours the room is filled to the brim. Thankfully his mother is there to accompany them. She finds a spot for herself and Jaemin until Jaehyun can register them in.

The front desk is run by two secretaries who are under fire with questions from the crowd of patients. Jaehyun waits at the end of the makeshift queue until it is his turn. He pulls Jaemin’s id out of his wallet. The card doesn't have a photo nor is filled properly but it is better than as he approaches the desk.

Secretary takes it in for the registrations. It takes a while. It feels too long but Jaehyun doesn't actually know how long it should take.

He waves towards Jaemin, who definitely picks his dad out of the crowd. Even with his fever, he is conscious of his surroundings. Jaehyun just knows he will grow up to be a smart boy.

“Sir,” The secretary calls his attention.

“Yes,” He turns around. The middle aged lady looks up with concern in her face.

“I’m afraid but I cannot register you in without his parent. You must call his mother.”

Jaehyun frowns. “I’m sorry what?”

“Jung Jaemin has one registered parent. Unless you call for her I cannot assign you to a doctor.”

“But I am his father!” He says frustrated.

“Sir, you are not recorded as on government system. If I let it slide they will open an investigation on the hospital.”

“Look, lady. My child is sick and if he doesn't get treated soon it will only get worse!” Jaehyun tries. “Then I will be the one suing you!”

“Sir, please calm down.”

He wants to rage around but it’s not appropriate to do so. He knows he should behave. He still lands a punch on the front desk. The secretary warns him once again.

“Please,” he begs.“Please, just treat my son.”

“I’m sorry-”

Someone cuts her words. “I’ll take him.”

Jaehyun turns towards the sound. Kim Doyoung stands there in white coat, sending an assuring smile towards the secretary. It’s the opposite of what he expected. Not the old men that usually are here. But Doyoung with his gentle eyes. He looks warm and handsome. He looks like a miracle to Jaehyun.

“Doctor are you sure?”

“Yes, Minyoung-ssi. I have an empty spot.” Doyoung affirms the lady. He picks up the id card left on the counter. Taking a short look at it as he slowly approaches Jaehyun. His lips purse. Then his face softens again. “C’mon, let’s see how Jaemin is doing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woops, I'm sorry for the end. I just felt like this chapter was meant to end there. I'm so excited to show you what is there to come. Like I said before this is a short and chill downed story.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, if you have kudos and comments are very much appreciated.  
> You can find me on twitter at [outlawofideal](https://twitter.com/outlawofideal) and on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/outlawofideal) with the same handle.


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi once again, I am back again with a chapter.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it!

Doyoung leads them towards the clinics instead of the ER rooms. Due to the size of the hospital it doesn't take them long. He opens the door for them, revealing a examination bed alongside an office set up.

“So tell me, what is your concern about Jaemin.” Doyoung asks as he nears to take the toddler from Jaehyun. Jaemin goes easily, clinging to the doctor immediately.

“Fever, it lasted all night.” He watches as Doyoung gently places Jaemin on the bed and retrieves some devices from nearby. When he approaches Jaemin once again, a smile takes over his expression. His eyes gleam as he bends down.

“Hello, Jaemin. Do you remember me?” He takes on a baby talk that Jaehyun doesn't expect from him. “I will now look at some things and make you okay.” He beams as Jaemin stares at him with big eyes.

His voice changes abruptly when he calls for Jaehyun. “Stay near so he feels safe.” Then he continues his examination. He checks the fever with an electronic thermometer, notes it down on a paper.

“Did you give him any medicine?”

“Uhm, no. We didn't have any child appropriate medicine.” Doyoung only nods. He is serious when he does his job. He goes through what seems like a general physical check up. He also listens to Jaemin’s lungs for a while, causing the toddler a shock when the chill metal touches his skin. Doyoung apologizes several times as he pets Jaemin’s arms while he tries to make it as fast as possible.

As soon as Doyoung retrieves back, Jaemin makes grabby hands towards Jaehyun.

Jaehyun obliges. “It’s okay baby. Papa is right here.” Jaemin snuggles close.

Doyoung asks for a moment and gets out of the room. Jaehyun nervously perches on the end of the examination bed. “Hey baby.” He mumbles, petting his son’s hair

“Pa,” Jaemin pouts. He is distressed, his hair has stuck to his forehead with the way he has been sweating.

“I know baby. I know.” Jaehyun is not good at consoling but at least Jaemin rubs his face into Jaehyun’s stomach, finally finding a safe place to hide.

It takes Doyoung a couple of minutes to return but he has a bottle of syrup in his hands once he does. He stands across them as he measures some on the plastic spoon.

“This might taste weird, Jaemin-ie but I promise it’s not bad.” He apologizes softly as he feeds the toddler. He gently cleans the dripping syrup with a napkin as Jaemin pulls faces because of the after taste. Jaehyun feels thankful for Doyoung as he takes care of Jaemin so attentively.

“Take a seat, Jaehyun.” He himself takes a seat behind the desk, pulls couple of items out of the drawers. Jaehyun follows him to the chair besides the table as he curiously watches Doyoung. He scribbles on a prescription paper and slides it towards Jaehyun.

“His fever seems to be seasonally induced. Possibly the change of weather. No other inkling for flu. Here, this is an antifebrile syrup. I can't officially prescribe it but you can buy it from the pharmacy. It’s good to have in hand for these situations.” He explains.

“So he will be okay?” 

It’s almost like time stops for a second. Doyoung’s expression turns sullen, he purses his lips

“Jaehyun-” Doyoung’s tone changes becoming more serious. “Are you aware that Jaemin has serious growth delay?” The air in the room feels not enough for a second. His chest feels tight.

Jaehyun gulps. He was suspecting there might be a problem but he genuinely wanted to believe Jaemin was just a small baby. Like his mother.

He looks away defeated.

“As a general practitioner I would refer you up to a pediatrician just to be sure and run some blood tests. But I will be honest to you, Jaehyun. Jaemin here is very behind the height and weight of his peers. We must treat him soon to help him through a proper growth rate. He doesn't seem to be speaking either.”

“Should he be speaking by now?” He scratches Jaemin’s head as the toddler seems to get restless in Jaehyun’s hold. As if he understands this is all about him.

“Not fluent by all means but he should have more than words at his age. Not just babbling.”

They sit down in silence for a while. The information doesn't sink down well for Jaehyun. The knowledge of how poorly his baby has grown kills him inside. He looks towards Doyoung, desperate.

“Can't you treat him?” It’s a stupid question he knows. Something foolishly hopeful.

Several emotions pass through Doyoung’s face, Jaehyun can't even read them before he turns back to his serious doctor expression. “Unfortunately. We must register him to the hospital first and open a proper file for him.”

“So he must suffer because of legal issues?” His voice raises unintentionally. He simmers down quickly after realising it is only Doyoung before him. “Isn’t there any way?”

Doyoung takes a moment, thinking. He suddenly takes his phone out of his white coat and dials someone up. His talk is all in abbreviations and medical terms Jaehyun has no idea about but when he hangs up he seems to have a plan. His eyes shine.

“Meet me here tomorrow at four pm. We will see how we can solve this okay?”

Jaehyun nods, doesn't even question him when he has no other means to solve his problem. He doesn't look up though, too embarrassed to look Doyoung in the eye.

Doyoung adds, “And for god’s sake try solve this documantel problem, Jaehyun. So we can get Jaemin proper treatment.”

❄❄❄

Home feels like heaven once they step back inside tiny shed sized house. Jaehyun immediately goes for the bathroom, shedding Jaemin’s clothes to give him a proper bath. Although his fever has gone down a lot, he feels the need to make his baby comfortable again.

Jaemin loves water as much as he loves whining. He sits in the water playing splash as he lets Jaehyun clean him up. Jaehyun tries to be gentle, avoiding shampoo running down his face. He plays along with Jaemin's nameless games.

"PA!" He yells, throwing a handful of water at Jaehyun.

"Yes baby?" He speaks as if this is a flowing conversation. He wants to help Jaemin. He knew it deep down that something was wrong when Jaemin refused to talk with him. It took him more than two weeks to let out his happy babbles with Jaehyun.

He always had the inkling, now it has a name. If that means Jaehyun needs to talk with Jaemin twenty hours a day, he will. He will be there for Jaemin every step on the way. He knows how hard is to grow up with only one parent. It takes everything out of the parent just to give a proper life to the kid. He has seen what his mother gone through when she raised Jaehyun.

Unlike Jaemin, Jaehyun remembers his father. He was maybe five or six when the man left. It was too much to him. Working hours and hours to feed two mouths. Yet Jaehyun's mother didn't give up after his disappearance. She stood proud and tall when she raised Jaehyun all alone, despite the talks around their small town. She picked up a job and looked after them, put them in a safe home, fed them warm meals.

He knows if he walks out from Jaemin's life right now, he won't be better than his own father. And more importantly he would disappoint his mother who has worked endlessly to give Jaehyun a future.

Although having a kid this young still feels like a disappointment, he knows his mother would disown him if he dares to give up on Jaemin. And Jaehyun can't have that. He cannot turn his mother's life into dust just to live his.

After the bath time, Jaemin falls asleep at the speed of light. The warm water must have lulled him after a restless night. Jaehyun remains by him, babysitting him to make sure he doesn't roll out of the bed with the way he moves in his sleep.

It's about four in the afternoon when he dials up the number he has been eyeing. He has thought over the legalities for a while. It's not his expertise by all means but he remembers the classes. It seems to be registration problem yet he is well aware he can not show up to register a two year old and change records.

If his inkling is correct this case likely will to go to a local court. And he has no power to represent himself. Not without a finished internship.

He presses the phone to his ear. It gets picked up after several rings.

"Jaehyun? Is that really you?" Comes the voice, worried and excited. "Why didn't you answer my calls? I was so worried about you."

"Hyung," He tries, a weak attempt to calm the man. "I'm fine."

"Yeah? Then why aren't you coming to work? I heard you quit! What's wrong?"

"Johnny hyung! Calm down!" He whisper shouts, trying his best not to wake Jaemin up.

"Jaehyun, just tell me are you okay?" Johnny is stern when it comes to some things. Protecting his friends is one of them. Jaehyun is grateful to him.

"I am. I promise I am." He doubts his voice is convincing. "I called to ask a favor."

"What is it? Tell me. I’ll do anything. Do you need me to look at a case for you? Just send me the documents you don't even need to ask."

Jaehyun takes a moment to gather his words. "Uhm, actually. Not really. I kinda need an attorney."

He can feel the panic take Johnny's mind even before he can hear him. "Wait, you are not in custody, are you?! Tell me where you are. I'm coming to get you." The thrashing around reflects to Jaehyun's side.

"No! No!" Jaehyun stops him before Johnny can hop into his car in lightning speed. "I am not arrested. I just- I didn't know who else to call." He sighs. "I just need you to represent me. Nothing that requires you to rush over."

Another silence.

“Jaehyun? What is happening?”

“I’ll tell you I promise. I will send you the details once there’s a case file.” 

He hears Johnny’s sigh as he drops back into his seat. “Okay.inform me more beforehand, yeah?"

❄❄❄

Next day he meets up with Doyoung as they talked. They waits outside of the hospital, Jaehyun doing his best to avoid winds to protect Jaemin. It doesn't take Doyoung long before he exits the building.

Today he is wearing another long wool coat. This time it is a warmer brown, fitting his hair so well. Jaehyun gets a good look at him as walks towards them. His blue shirt and tossed around tie makes him look even younger than he is. Something akin to their high school days. His face is so handsome when wind sweeps away his bangs away. Jaehyun can't stop staring at him.

"Hello," Doyoung greets Jaemin before he does Jaehyun. The baby seems to enjoy the attention from the doctor oh very much. He grabs Doyoung's hand mid air and pulls him closer with the sheer force of want. Doyoung stumbles into Jaehyun’s close premise.

"What a smart boy you are Jaemin-ie." Doyoung plays along.

Jaehyun enjoys watching Jaemin be interested in communicating with others. Even though he has to take the end of his whining, he still loves it when his son becomes a social butterfly with people he recognizes.

"Pa! Pa!" Jaemin uses his greatest expression once again.

"C'mon let's go." Doyoung nods towards the car park.

"Where are we actually going?"

Doyoung shrugs. His car lights up from the distance when he snatches his keys out of his coat. "I promised you help, didn't I?" Jaehyun nods.

They walk in awkward silence towards the car. Doyoung owns an old sedan Hyundai. It's a generic light grey color, understated. Something more than enough to get by in this town. Jaehyun reaches for the front door.

Doyoung shuts it before he can even open the door properly. "No," He frowns. "Back seat. You have a baby in your lap."

Jaehyun feels dumb even thinking of sitting in the front. He should be thinking of his son more than a stranger does. He pouts, looking down at Jaemin. "I'm sorry baby." He whispers, leaving a peck on his forehead.

The drive doesn't take them long considering the whole town is made up from eight main streets with several small ones connecting them. Their destination turns out to be a residential neighborhood with several five story tall buildings.

Doyoung leads them inside one of them to the apartment that's located on the entrance. He sees the small sign besides the metal door.  _ Kim's Clinic _ . Jaehyun gets curious. Wonders if it is actually Doyoung's why would he have to make calls before hand.

But then he actually punches the door code and opens it. Jaehyun watches him drop his bag down and take of his coat. It seems like a regular apartment until Jaehyun realizes the entry leads to two different doors. One glass, the other with another coded key lock. Doyoung gestures for him to follow before disappearing behind a frosted door.

"HYUNG!" They hear him call through the house.

Following Doyoung, Jaehyun pushes the frosted door slightly. Peeking inside as he is unsure what is happening.

The room looks very similar to Doyoung's examination room in the hospital. Only more colorful. The sheets are covered with cartoon characters and there are many plushies decorating the bed. All of it gets Jaemin very excited. So Jaehyun gives into the excitement of a two year old. They sit down on the bed side by side. Jaehyun pulls the bunny plushie out of the bunch. Bunnies for no particular reason is Jaemin's favorite. Jaehyun suspects it is the long floppy ears.

He doesn't notice there is another door to the examination room. Only catches his eye when it's opened by someone. The incomer looks oddly familiar yet Jaehyun doubts he knows him. The white coat presents him as a doctor.

"Hello, welcome." His voice is soft, deep. He is also tall, maybe even as tall as Jaehyun. “Who do we got here?” He asks as he approaches them. His eyes turn in the crescents when he smiles towards Jaemin. Only then the puzzle pieces fit for Jaehyun.

“Hyung!” Doyoung calls as he enters behind the doctor. Now seemingly out of his  _ work  _ clothes, wearing a thinly weaved sweater. His hair is swept out of his face, damp from a possible hand brushing moments prior.

Oh they are definitely brothers.

Jaehyun clears his throat to keep himself together and focused before turning his attention to doctor.

“Hi, I’m Jung Jaehyun and this little guy is my son Jaemin.”

“Nice to meet you.” The doctor extends a hand for Jaehyun to shake. Jaemin excitedly follows his father’s suit, reaching for the doctor. The guy laughs. “I’m Kim Donghyun. Pediatrician and Doyoung’s-”

“My older brother.” Doyoung butts in. Seemingly done with collecting stuff across the room.

"Yes," The doctor smiles fondly. "If you would let me, I would like to spend some time with Jaemin here. Then we can talk about it and get some blood work done maybe. Sounds good?"

"Ah-" Jaehyun stutters for a second, not sure how this will go. He doesn't know how Jaemin will react to the doctor as he struggles with people.

"Don't worry. You can stand by to observe us." Doctor assures him.

Jaehyun nods, still unsure. He watches as Jaemin waits for an acknowledgement from him before he clings to the doctor. Jaehyun rubs his head and kisses on top of it as he assures it is okay.

Doctor, Doyoung's brother, seems like a warm person as opposed to Doyoung who always carries a cool exterior. He turns on his baby voice the moment Jaemin starts to watch him intently. They walk around, Doctor chattering the baby as Jaemin babbles back.

Doyoung perches on the bed next to him, distracting him from the doctor. "You know, he is going to be okay."

Jaehyun frowns. "Is he?"

"He is way too young to have major problems. I didn't notice any physical issues besides his size. But we are here to make sure."

He takes a deep breath. He wants to believe Doyoung. That Jaemin will be fine. But he cant stop thinking the worst, what he might have done to him.

Doyoung prodes him with his shoulder. "Trust me. Hyung is the best out there."

"Hmm," Jaehyun closes his eyes momentarily. Trying his best to calm himself. "Thank you." He whispers.

"You don't need to-" Doyoung says. "I wouldn't have left a baby out there even if it wasn't yours."

There's a beat of silence. They sit there watching the doctor play stretches with Jaemin. "I didn't know you became a doctor." Jaehyun finally said. "You were still here when I left for college."

"Hyung helped me a bit. Insisted I should be more useful than a fisher." Doyoung shrugs.

"Ah-"

"What about you? Your mom was talking about you becoming a lawyer. How come you are here?"

Jaehyun wants to avoid speaking about it. Doesn't want to spread the news of how he is the biggest failure. But Doyoung looks at him with more than curiosity in his eyes. He seems genuine and suddenly warm. There. For Jaehyun.

"You don't have to-" He insists.

"I-" He takes a deep breath. "Jaemin came to me very recently. I dated his mother during my second year of law school. She was a third year then. Very pretty. Smart, probably smarter than me. I didn’t even know why she even dated me out of all the guys. We broke up at the end of the school year. She wanted to focus on her career at that time. I was too in love with her to not let her go." He looks at Doyoung, trying to see his reaction. "I didn't know she was pregnant. She never reached out to me."

"Oh-"

"I have only known about Jaemin for a couple of months. By then I was done with the school but couldn't get a job. No one gave me a proper job even with my degrees. I couldn't take care of Jaemin alone. I wasn't ready to become a parent just cause I had him now."

“I’m sorry to hear that-” Doyoung then stops himself mid sentence. His lips pursing. “Not because Jaemin. I’m sorry that you struggled.”

“Yeah, what’s done is done, I guess.” Jaehyun shrugs. He appreciates Doyoung trying.

“Is the legal problem because you are not-”

“I don't know if I am. To be honest. But Sooyoung wanted me to be his father. That’s enough reasons for me. She trusted me with his life, I can't deny Jaemin a proper life.”

Doyoung looks at him. His eyes are dark and filled with intent. “You know, no one would do what you have. No one would take in the baby.” It’s like a statement. He is not discarding others or praising Jaehyun. It’s Doyoung’s way of observing.

Jaehyun stares back. Their eyes remain locked for a long while. Both of them trying to read the other.

Then Doyoung breaks the weird air surrounding them. “I am glad Jaemin has you.”

Jaehyun huffs with the suddenness of the statement but then a soft smile takes over his lips. The idea of being good for Jaemin is the best praise someone can give him, he realizes. He has never wanted anything more in life than being a good father to Jaemin. Not even becoming a lawyer, spending seven years to education was something that felt as important as this.

The doctor comes back. As they approach Jaemin almost throws himself towards his father.

“Hey big boy.” Jaehyun chuckles.

“Pa~” Jaemin whines as he snuggles into Jaehyun’s neck.

Jaehyun unconsciously starts rubbing his back to bring him some comfort. “You are being so good baby. Almost done.” The doctor patiently waits for them, being involved with kids he has probably went through more than this before.

“I have good news to bare.” He smiles once more. “Jaemin doesn't seem to have any signs of the major suspects of delayed growth. Which means we can track his and your routines to find the problem which will be much easier to solve. I will still prefer to do some blood work if you are comfortable with me taking them here and getting them worked in a lab back in Gwangju.”

Jaehyun nods. After that is a bit messy perse. Jaehyun holds Jaemin still as Doyoung tries his best to distract him. But getting his blood taken is something new and scary for him. The pain of a needle, something foreign he doesn't expect even when the doctor uses the tiniest one. He cries, wails.

The second everything is done, Jaehyun presses Jaemin to his chest. Kissing every tiny tear that falls out of his big bright eyes. His apologies don't mean much to the baby but his constant speech seems to calm him down enough to a silent yet still teary state.

Doctor promises to see them again in a couple of days. Asks Jaehyun to track Jaemin’s eating habits which Jaehyun admits shamefully is not great. Doctor doesn't puts it against him but insists on seeing all of it documented.

Doyoung takes their record quickly and very loosely as opposed to their experience in the hospital. He even creates a bill with their name for the amount of a thousand won just to do things according to the clinic regulations.

Jaehyun is grateful for him. For doing this, bringing his brother, not charging him. It’s more than he can hope for. But when he asks them out to dinner, that’s when something blooms in his chest.

“Join me to dinner. It’s on me.” He mumbles as he folds the bill and puts it in the desk drawer. “You guys must be starving by now.” He turns to Jaemin, smiling. “Aren't you hungry, Jaemin-ie?”

“You don't have to-” Jaehyun can't accept more from Doyoung. He already has taken too much.

Doyoung shrugs nonchalantly. “I was going out for dinner anyway.”

❄❄❄

There are maybe ten restaurants in the town. The one they end up is one Jaehyun doesn't recognize. It probably was another restaurant before he left. Now it’s a small and dimly lit place, serving traditional dishes that goes well with drinking. Jaehyun looks over the few busy tables only see several types of braised soups and endless amount of empty green bottles.

It’s probably not the best to be in a  _ bar  _ with a baby but no one seems to care about it. Doyoung leeds them to a big table towards the back. There’s already two people occupying it. One of them has their back to them, wearing a middle of the road grey suit. Whilst the other man across him is in casual slacks and a sweater. They make a toast, rolling down shots as Doyoung reaches the table.

Jaehyun unintentionally hides behind his frame, softly rocking side to side to keep Jaemin distracted.

“Doyoung!” The man in slacks envelopes Doyoung in a tight hug. “Where is Donghyun? He said he would be coming.” He takes a look at Jaehyun and Jaemin curiously.

Doyoung rubs the back of his head, seeming nervous as he introduces Jaehyun. “Uhm, I brought a friend instead of him.”

“Nice to meet you. Jung Jaehyun.” He mumbles. The guy in the grey suit turns around from his seat with the mention of his name. He is smiling gently, his features are soft. His hair is swept back, adding to his businessman aura.

“You must be the lawyer guy,” The guy says, his voice excited. “Taeyong told me about you!” He presents a hand to Jaehyun. “Qian Kun.”

Jaehyun shakes his hand. “I hope hyung said good things.”

Kun welcomes them to the table, pulling a stool besides him for Jaehyun. Jaehyun learns the other guy, Taeil, is the owner and another alumna of their high school. Being three years older than Jaehyun, it is natural for not being acquainted during high school but Doyoung seems to be close with him. As Taeil sits with his arm around Doyoung’s shoulders

Both guys get pulled in by Jaemin’s natural star quality. The toddler sends furious yet curious looks their ways which in return gets them trying to gain his trust with baby talk. It’s hilarious while it lasts.

Then finally another familiar face welcomes Jaehyun. Kim Jungwoo comes out of the back door and literally throws himself on them once he recognizes him. He squishes Jaehyun in a hug while Doyoung saves Jaemin out of a possible accident.

“Hyung!” He keeps hugging until Jaehyun wiggles out of his grip.

“Woo,” He smiles awkwardly. “What are you doing here?”

Jungwoo peels himself off him and takes a look at him. He frowns but his lips purse into a playful smirk. “Shouldn't I be asking that? You were missing for seven years!”

“Uhm, yeah, sorry?” He tilts his head, smiling.

Jungwoo claps to catch everyone’s attention. “I think I just saw a baby!” He says like it should mean something. They fall into a chat. It’s warm and inviting. The guys drink some but mostly talk around a table filled with food. He learns Jungwoo runs the restaurant along with Taeil. They insist on feeding them well, Taeil pressuring Jungwoo to fill the table with food as he opens another bottle of soju.

While he places the second serving on the grill, Jaehyun apologetically asks if he can make anything for Jaemin. As his baby has been refusing to chew anything more than one second. Besides the soft pile of rice in front of Jaehyun. 

“Something soft, like tofu or rice cakes.” Jungwoo as sympathetic as he has been in high school, feels bad for not thinking about it in the first place. Jaehyun just hopes Jaemin will eat more than rice. He still tries to trick him into eating some of Jaehyun’s meal. It doesn't work.

Somehow, maybe a miracle, Doyoung gets Jaemin to eat the soft tofu stew Jungwoo makes for them. Jaehyun watches his son beem with the attention coming from someone else with his mouth almost gaping with the shock second time since they came to the town. The toddler doesn't even whine until it starts getting pretty late. His sleep making him very uneasy. 

Jaehyun tries to pick him back into his lap so he can take his roll around the place to lul Jaemin into sleep. Something he got very used to doing late at nights in his tiny apartment. Doyoung shakes his head, his hand brushing Jaemin’s hair gently. It looks so natural that Jaehyun would believe Doyoung was the father instead of him. He still listens to the conversations going around them while Jaehyun stares openly, unable to exist besides looking at the view before him. He can't take his eyes off them.

Soon enough the buzz around the restaurant along with Doyoung humming a song as Jaemin snuggles into his chest turns out to be to knock the toddler out. He lets Jaemin sleep soundly for a while. It lets Jaehyun to have some time to chat and rewind even for a short while.

Chatting along with guys around his age feels like he is back in school. It reminds him so much of his friends. Spending nights around tables similar to this then running to morning classes, hangover and suffering. A part of him yearns for the memories.

Then he takes Jaemin back in his arms. It feels just like the first time the boy held onto him. It melts Jaehyun’s heart and washes away all of his worries.

He presses a kiss on top of Jaemin’s head as he guides him into a comfortable position in his arms. Once the clock hits ten o’clock Doyoung graciously asks for their leave in Jaehyun’s place. He even gathers his bag and jacket as Jaehyun clumsily puts on the kangaroo carrier.

After saying goodbyes to everyone,, they get out of the restaurant. He pushes the door open with his hip, Doyoung following his suit. The cold air hits them after being around grills for hours.

“Thank you for the meal.”

“It’s all good, Jaehyun.” Doyoung pats his back assuringly.

Jaehyun smiles towards Doyoung as he hand lingers on his shoulders. He smiles back, his lips stretch wide. Doyoung looks breathtaking. Under the white glare of the signs, light is shining off his dark hair. His eyes gleam as they catch Jaehyun’s. He is so pretty like this. When he holds Jaehyun. When he looks at him and Jaemin, sincerity and care. His cold exterior shedding bit by bit.

Jaehyun realizes he might be screwed when Doyoung remains by him.

He breaks the eye contact, looking away. The dark frame across the road catches his interest for a second. He recognizes the car before the person.

“Do you need a ride?” Doyoung asks. “I’ll hail a taxi.”

Johnny stands there, leaning against his black Mercedes. His face sullen and serious, his stare focused on them. His broad frame combined with his sharp suit makes him look like one those gang bosses seen on TV. Jaehyun can't say he doesn't have a reason to be scared. He swallows the lump that appears on his throat. Suddenly the air around them breaking into pieces.

“I don't think I will need one.” He mumbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> We are here with Jaehyun's story revealed bit by bit. We will definitely learn even more about Kang Sooyoung in up coming chapters. For now we have a bit of Doyoung being a responsible adult while Jaehyun struggles to function like the rest of us
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, if you ave kudos and comments are very much appreciated.  
> You can find me on twitter at [outlawofideal](https://twitter.com/outlawofideal) and on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/outlawofideal) with the same handle.


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I am here once again with a mid length chapter. Things further in this one.
> 
> [here](https://open.spotify.com/track/6XrNrp7UtGgyZcHJ0ckL0w?si=sRkizLNRQX6nIsSbGrnH6g) is my suggested song for this chapter.
> 
> Hope you like it!

The drive home is awkward at best. Mercedes is warm and comfy inside. Sitting at the back gives Jaehyun the advantage of avoiding Johnny. He catches him looking through the rear view mirror. Immediately looks back down at sleeping Jaemin.

“Jaehyun,” Johnny tries.

Jaehyun hushes him. “Not now. They are sleeping.”

It’s a safe for him to escape. Johnny is not heartless and he basically brought his weakness along with him. Jaehyun has known him for not to use it against him.

Yuta, sleeps soundly on the front seat. He is still in his suit like Johnny, his coat is pulled over his shoulders. He snores lightly, not loud enough to bother Jaemin in his arms. Jaehyun is glad Yuta is here, someone to cushion Johnny’s reactions is always a win for him. As much as Johnny loves them, he also enjoys putting them on their places.

They only talk to give directions until they reach his house.

He goes in first, Johnny on his tail. Thankfully his mother isn't at home, most likely catching one of her dramas with neighbour. He turns around to stop Johnny from following him to the bedroom.

“Wait in the living room.” He immediately runs to his room avoid further questioning. He takes some time, changing his diaper, putting on his pajamas then brushing his hair until he goes back into deep sleep.

When he comes out, Yuta is there along with Johnny. Obviously sleepy but now is trying to stay awake.

“What are you guys doing here?” He whisper shouts, sitting across them on the futon. 

Johnny, who has definitely not got any calmer, leans on the table. “No! What are you doing here?”

“Shh!” He quickly presses a hand over Johnny’s lips. “You are gonna wake him up.” They wait in pure silence for a few seconds. Thankfully Jaemin doesn't wake up.

It looks like Johnny wants to scold Jaehyun once again when Yuta puts hand over his arm and stops him. He turns Jaehyun, his eyes soft.

“Jae, will you tell us why are you here? You know you can trust us. We are your friends.”

Jaehyun stares at them blankly, struggling to find words. It’s still hard to admit it out loud. He rubs a hand over his mouth, nervous. Yuta tries to console him for something he has no idea about. 

And Jaehyun wants to tell them. They have been his safety cushions for years. They will understand. Won't they? But then they were all sharing life goals together. Now Jaehyun is nothing like them. No. Now, Jaehyun doesn't want to admit that he can't be like them.

“The baby?” Johnny asks, finally. “Is he yours?”

He simply nods.

“The mother?” The question lingers in the air. Even Yuta seems to be curious.

When he looks properly at them, seeing their worried expressions, Jaehyun finally manages to gather himself. He takes a deep breath.

“Kang Sooyoung,” He admits.

Yuta’s eyes grows impossibly large and Johnny literally charges towards him over the table. “KANG SOOYOUNG?!”

❄❄❄

_ Jaehyun gets shocked when someone throws an arm around his shoulders as he walks to class from the campus cafe. He almost tumbles down to the floor. He barely saves the drinks in his hands. _

_ Johnny looks back at him, grinning. _

_ “Aw, our Jaehyun-ie bought us drinks.” Yuta laughs as he picks them out of Jaehyun’s hands to let him fix himself up. _

_ “No~” Jaehyun pouts, chasing the drinks with his hands. “Dude I paid so much for them.” _

_ “And I pay for all of your drinks.” Johnny reasons as he takes one for himself. He sips the iced coffee. _

_ “Hyung,” Jaehyun whines. “Those were for Sooyoung!” _

_ “Oooh, lover birds.” Yuta giggles, snuggling to Johnny. “Here,” He gives back the one he is holding on to. _

_ Like someone summoned her, Sooyoung finds them in the hall. Two loud smacks echo in Jaehyun’s ears before he sees her. She frowns and points at his hyungs. “You two! Stop torturing Hyun-ie.” _

_ She immediately links her arm to Jaehyun’s. Her expression softens as he melts into Jaehyun’s side.“Hi, baby.” She whispers like it is only meant for him. _

_ “Hi,” Jaehyun looks down at her and opening his arm t let her snuggle closer meanwhile. At this angle she is beautiful with her big eyes and ever smiling lips. She has always been beautiful but Jaehyun feels baffled by her. She still looks incredible in a tracksuit and dark circles of upcoming finals. _

_ Johnny pulls a face at them, like he is jealous. He is not. Yuta pinches his side to remind him.. _

_ “We weren’t even torturing him! You just are cruel, Kang.” He looks like a kid when he bickers with Sooyoung, his arms crossed at his chest. Yuta laughs at their banters. _

_ “Suh Youngho, I’ll hunt you down.” She squints, her eyes send canons towards the tall boy. Their stare down lasts for a couple of seconds before Johnny gives up. _

_ “Hmph-” Johnny sips the coffee loudly. _

_ Jaehyun smiles at them, fondly. “Here,” He gives the coffee he is holding to its rightful owner. She raises on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheeks. _

_ “Thank you, baby.” She whispers. Jaehyun fixes her bangs for her before giving a peck on the forehead. _

_ “Always.” He means it. _

❄❄❄

Next morning devours him emotionally. He wakes up to Jaemin babbling beside his face. The toddler pulls on his hair to attract his attention. Jaehyun yawns as he pulls him closer to his neck, cuddling Jaemin until he can open his eyes properly.

There’s a hint of sun peeking between the curtains of the room but it barely lights up the room. Jaehyun rubs his eyes as he slides out of the bed. He falls into the rhythm of their morning routine. He pulls out a fresh diaper from the pack along with day clothes for Jaemin. He changes him into his fresh clothes before he goes to take care of himself. 

They emerge from the room only after Jaehyun is able to gather his thoughts. Seeing Johnny and Yuta curled on the floor mattresses in his childhood home is awkward at best. They are still sound asleep naturally as it is barely past six in the morning. They are not used to waking up with sun like Jaehyun who got conditioned by Jaemin.

He pads silently to the kitchen to find some food to feed Jaemin. Thankfully his mom is an angel and already made some fresh rice. He paddles some into a bowl to put before Jaemin who is excitedly playing with his spoon. Smashing the metal on the table in an unbearable manner. He still heats up some of the day old jjigae, knowing well that Jaemin will fill up himself with mostly rice.

He watches as his boy spoons some rice into his mouth, mostly missing the target spilling on the table yet Jaehyun feels proud of him as he tries. Thinking how he mostly spoon fed him himself until half a month ago, he is fascinated by Jaemin’s willingness to be independent.

Their breakfast comes to an end once Jaemin starts whining and begging to be let go. Jaehyun quickly shovels the last of his soup before he hauls Jaemin out of his seat and places him on the ground. He doesn't even get to put away the dishes before his son dips his feet in trouble.

He hears the crying before he sees them. Jaemin is sitting by a very sleepy Johnny, wailing his eyes. Jaehyun doesn't even get to question the whys before he is embracing his baby up.

“What’s wrong? Hmm?” He mumbles as he tries his best to hush him. Johnny is groaning as he is struggling to sit straight. Jaehyun watches him wake Yuta up by prodding at his side as he walks around the living room. Jaemin hides his face on the crook of his father’s neck as his cries silence before dying down.

His friends stare up at them as they fix their shirts. Yuta even combs his fingers through Johnny’s hair as the latter is too enchanted by the view before him.

“So-” He starts but his voice croaks. Johnny cleans his throat. “Is that him?”

Jaehyun nods. He stands away from them, a weak attempt to hold onto the pieces of what’s left of past him. Like hiding Jaemin from them will change anything. But his instincts run faster than his logic early at this hour.

“Can we meet him?” Yuta asks, sliding closer.

Jaehyun takes in his friends for another second. The confused look on Johnny’s face alongside Yuta’s bright smile. He knows they want the best for him. He trusts them.

He finally kneels down besides them. Nudging gently until Jaemin turns his attention to him.

“Baby-” He whispers to the toddler. “We are gonna meet Papa’s friends, okay?”

Jaemin frowns at him, sneaking looks at the two men besides them.

“I know you are scared but it is okay, baby. I am here.” He rubs his back encouragingly. When the toddler decides he is ready, he turns around in his father’s lap.

He takes them in silently but his grip on Jaehyun’s leg grows tighter.

“Guys, this is Jaemin. He is my son.”

Yuta waves gently at the baby. “Hiii,” Jaemin briefly looks at him, then ignores his enthusiastic greeting.

The problem is Johnny. The older man stares as intently as Jaemin.

Jaemin looks away, straining his neck until his father catches his eyes.

“Pa?” He asks. It’s a silent understanding between them.

Jaehyun pets his hair. “Go ahead.”

A giant smile takes over Jaemin’s face. He turns towards Johnny once again and reaches his hands. Demanding to be picked up.

“What? No. I made him cry Jaehyun already. I can’t” Johnny stutters.

Jaemin scrunches his face in a challenging way, reaches out as much as his father lets him.

“It’s fine.” He tries to assure before letting go of Jaemin. The toddler crawls his way towards Johnny then opens his arms as much as he can and waits. Something he does when he wishes to be picked up.

“Take him in your arms, he wants to see you.” Jaehyun guides his hyung.

Johnny hesitantly picks Jaemin, not sure where to put his arms. Yuta helps him by supporting Jaemin’s bottom until the toddler grabs tightly on Johnny. Mostly to his hair. Johnny wails in pain, pulling a laughter out of the toddler. He finally lets go of the hair once he is more comfortable in the arms of Johnny.

Their stare down continues for a couple of seconds before Jaemin presses himself into Johnny’s chest, giggling.

“Pa!” He exclaims happily. Johnny frowns, concerned.

“I’m not your dad!” Jaehyun laughs at his hyung, seeing him lost once in his life.

“No, no,” He tries to gather himself, still smiling big. “He is just happy.”

Johnny raises Jaemin to look at his face once again, making him float again. The baby burst into giggles as he looks at his uncle. “Is that so, Jaemin-ah? Are you happy?”

Jaehyun watches them fondly. It feels like a burden has been taken off his chest. Even when he knows what’s to come, he feels content at the moment. Yuta gets his turn too but Jaemin’s fascination with Johnny doesn't seem to end. Even when they let him go he keeps straining his neck to get a look at the older man.

“Hyung-” He becomes hesitant once again when he needs to bring on the serious topics. But they are already here, literally and figuratively. There’s nowhere else go from here but forth.

“Yes Jae?” Johnny ask while he takes another bite of the leftover breakfast Jaehyun made them.

“I need help with Jaemin’s custody.” Jaemin looks back at him, knowing well he is being talked about. He is the smartest baby ever, melts Jaehyun’s heart every time he acts on things.

He slides over to pick him up.

“What do you mean?” Yuta raises an eyebrow. “Isn’t he yours?”

“Yes.” He sighs. “Well, i think so.”

“Jaehyun.” Johnny frowns. “Do we need to get tests?”

He looks down at Jaemin, who beems at attention even when it’s from Jaehyun. He used to hate even being handled by him, now his eyes shine at every time he is given a kiss. Jaehyun shakes his head.

“No. I am his father. I want to be his father.”

His hyungs sigh. “Are you sure?” Yuta puts a hand on his shoulder, consoling him in his own way.

“Look, I didn't call you to relieve me from being a father.” He finally looks at Johnny again, whose eyes are trailing over them with concern. “I called you because I need a great lawyer who can make sure I am his father.”

“Is this the case you were trying to tell me?”

“Yeah. We kind of have to open a custody case.”

“Wait.” Yuta butts in. “I am not following.”

“So it turns out Sooyoung noona didn't register me legally as a father-” He starts explaining.

Johnny finishes it for him. “We either have to find her or we ask the government to find her.”

“I-” Jaehyun hesitates. “I don't wanna sue her. But I can't get hold of her. I need you to investigate and represent me as I don't hold the title or the power to do so.”

“I’ll call the investigator we use.” Yuta says as he gets his phone out. He quickly disappears out of their sight, stepping out to give them some privacy.

“Jaehyun, are you sure about this? We can try to find Sooyoung-ie before doing things.”

“Yeah,” He pauses. “I would appreciate that. But I don't want to make this longer than necessary. I kinda need to be his parent to get things done legally.”

“I see. If we can't find her in a week, I’ll gather you a case.”

Jaehyun smiles, bitter sweet. “Thanks hyung.” Something in him wishes he won't have to actually sue her. He never wants to harm her. There has been enough damage done he assumes. With the way she left Jaemin to him.

“Okay.” Johnny leans on the table, pulling out his charismatic lawyer facade. “What else can you provide me information wise?”

It’s the side of Johnny Jaehyun loves and trusts. The one that handles things swiftly and efficiently. Like the true leader he is.

❄❄❄

They spend the most of the day thinking of strategies and ways to pull more information to support their case. At first, Jaehyun was hesitant about telling Johnny let alone Yuta. But he feels glad to have them. To have Johnny’s experience with Yuta’s investigative skills. There’s a reason their company recruited them out of college. They are both very bright at their job.

Once again his heart yearns to follow them. But when Johnny smiles encouragingly as he pulls out supporting information and the degrees to go along, he doesn't feel like it’s all lost cause. His hyungs silently assist him through the case, like they did when Jaehyun was a freshman.

Maybe he will get there. Maybe not right now. But somehow, someday. His dreams will become reality without letting down his son. His Jaemin. One day he will become that father Jaemin can be proud of.

His mom comes home later than usual. Jaehyun doesn't even notice it until Jaemin wails third time that day to be fed. When she arrives tho, she somehow has Doyoung with her. He tails her with her hunting basket in his hands.

Kim Doyoung is ever handsome, especially compared next to a sleepless and desperate Jaehyun. He dresses sharp even when he is visiting his mother’s home. He always is in a blue button up, ironed and mostly combined with a sweater a supposed to his old school uniform who was always all around the place and messy.

He has rolled sleeves to avoid the water on the basket. His mother leads Doyoung until they come to a halt when they see the visitors. His eyes land on Jaemin at the same time the toddler notices the new presence.

Jaemin basically pulls himself off Jaehyun’s lap to stumble towards now kneeling Doyoung.

“Papa!” He calls as he throws himself towards the doctor.

“Jaemin-ah!” Doyoung responds with just as much enthusiasm when he takes him into his arms.

Jaehyun smiles at them. His baby bonding willingly with Doyoung. They don't need Jaehyun’s presence to mediete. They find their way. Showing how much Jaemin has grown.

He practically misses all of Yuta and Johnny’s questioning looks. Too involved with observing every little detail of Jaemin’s conversation with Doyoung. Just until Doyoung turns towards him, a gentle smile on his lips, Jaemin resting on his hips.

“Jaehyun-ah, can I take you for a second?”

Jaehyun doesn't process the words for a second, too baffled by the suddenness. He scrambles up to lead them out the house combined with his mother yelling about packing kimchi and muscles for Doyoung.

The porch is significantly colder than the house. Doyoung turns his back to the wind to protect Jaemin in his arms. 

“Hey,” Doyoung smiles.

Jaehyun follows his suit. “Hey.”

Doyoung bites his lower lip. The silence takes on as they take each other in bit by bit. Doyoung finally sighs and brushes his hair away from his face.

“I was wondering if you would like to meet up so I can help you with Jaemin. We will talk about what to do and such.” He mumbles, nervous.

“Yeah?” He asks, like the dumbo he is. Out of everything he could. He says that.

Still Doyoung brightens up. “Yeah.” He breathes. “Let’s get you guys some clothing appropriate to this town so we don't have to treat Jaemin-ie once again. How does that sound?”

Jaehyun takes a moment to consider. Knowing well he doesn't hold the money to actually shop around. But then he thinks of going out with Doyoung, whom Jaemin loves so much that he never whines besides. And he is already imagining how the day would go in his head.

“It sounds great. Text me about the time and place?”

When they go back inside, saying goodbyes, Jaehyun sits besides Johnny. He pulls his best boy face.

“Hyung, I have another favor to ask.”

Johnny raises an eyebrow, waiting for him to go on.

“Can you please lend me some money?”

❄❄❄

Doyoung picks him up two days after that. Thankfully Johnny and Yuta leave before that so they don't get the materials to joke infinitely about Jaehyun’s excitement. This time Jaehyun doesn't make the mistake of sitting in the front. Despite living near the hospital he has traveled to the village just for them.

Although quite short their ride is very enjoyable with pop songs playing, Doyoung cheering for a mumbling Jaemin. Jaehyun helps him get the sounds better and clap during the song.

Town is still too small to have a shopping market, they end up along the strip where Lee’s Market is. After parking, Doyoung leads them to a smaller street where a couple of clothing shops are located. It mostly looks like things fitting for the elderly residents. But then by a miracle Doyoung pulls them inside a very hip looking place.

There are many clothes definitely targeted towards the high schoolers of the town. It’s the hip stuff that is everywhere in that underground market in Seoul. Jaehyun is shocked even seeing these items in his hometown. He remembers traveling to Gwangju during high school just to get the dark red vans.

He still doesn't understand why they are there until Doyoung comes back with the store employee. The guy is much shorter than either of them but his aura is demanding attention. His clothes are very much fitting with their surrounding, his small frame lost in a giant shirt.

Unlike his cool exterior he warmly hugs Doyoung then, ignoring the fact that they just met, Jaehyun and Jaemin too. Ten, the owner apparently, brings them an array of clothing on a metal rack. They are all well made and are toddler sized. It’s the first time Jaehyun’s not shopping online for Jaemin, it interests him way too much. He gets lost in combining pieces together, choosing colors and textures

He later learns Ten ordered them from Seoul because Doyoung requested help from him. He loses words to thank Doyoung at that point. He doesn't know how many times he thanks the man since they met at the market.

Before Jaehyun decides on the items he can pay, the lawyer from the restaurant shows up. He carries in a box from the back door.

“Hey babe, where do I put these?” He calls without noticing them. He doesn't seem to care about people anyway. The owner beams at the voice, joining the lawyer at the back.

Jaehyun leans towards Doyoung, who is currently in a heated conversation with Jaemin.

“Are they-” He whispers.

Doyoung hums. “Yeah, they are.”

Jaehyun uncontrollably smiles as he takes another glance at the couple. Seven years ago he wouldn't even imagine seeing a couple here, let alone one that seems to be content with themselves. 

Then he peaks at Doyoung again, who has been sprawled on the couch fixing Jaemin’s hair. It has been ruffled by trying on many clothes until they settled on a hoodie that seemed good enough for Jaemin to wear into the next year.

The duo just look so comfortable with each other. Everytime he lets Jaemin to latch onto another person he finds himself gazing at this wonderful view. He doesn't have the first pang of jealousy he felt the first time now when Jaemin tries to imitate every sound that comes out of Doyoung’s mouth. No.

He is just fond.

That idea alone boggles Jaehyun’s mind. To have someone that is as important to his boy as himself. Someone that understands the toddler better than Jaehyun. Someone Jaehyun trusts unconditionally.

His thoughts get interrupted by the couple coming back to the front. The lawyer, Kun, greets them cheerily, even properly doing so with the toddler.

As they wait Ten to ring every item, he chats Jaehyun up.

“Hey, Taeyong said you were looking for a job?” He raises an eyebrow, leaning against the register desk.

Jaehyun rubs his nape. “Yeah, I kinda need a job right now.”

“Do you wanna have a chat about it?” The lawyer suggests.

“Right now?”

“Yeah, let’s have a coffee or something and see if our needs match each other.” At that point Jaehyun figures Kun is a well mediator. His words are well picked even in a casual conversation, careful not to hurt Jaehyun’s feelings. Jaehyun wonders how the man manages actual cases. What type of a lawyer he really is?

“Okay,” He says. “Let’s chat.”

“Cool.” Kun smiles. 

Jaehyun pays for the clothes with the money Johnny has lend him previously. He feels bad for spending money that way until Doyoung puts Jaemin in his new coat. His baby looks absolutely adorable. It is worth everything.

They go to the cafe Jaehyun first went with Taeyong. Probably because it is the most fitting for people their age. On the way Jaehyun saves Doyoung from carrying an excited Jaemin. He can confidently say this is the thing he is most used to by now. Jaemin lets Jaehyun to cage him into his chest without much fight either.

That day Jaemin discovers what a desert is when Doyoung order’s a strawberry shortcake. Of course he enjoys the cream more than he does strawberries. Doyoung assures it won't be bad as long as they consume the other half of the cake before the toddler does.

It almost looks like Kun is joining on a date rather than Doyoung tagging along to keep Jaemin busy.

As they get through more than half of their drinks, Kun finally brings up the topic.

“So you said you were a law graduate, right?” He still keeps it as a casual chat, speaking between sips.

“Yeah I did political science followed by law.”

“May I ask which schools?”

“Hankuk and SNU.”

Kum smirks, satisfied. “That’s impressive. I am honestly lost at why would you struggle as a lawyer.”

Jaehyun looks down on his cup. He knows his CV is impressive but, “No one wants a young dad doing part-time with no legal authority to represent a client.”

“Ah, I see.” A moment passes as the men take in Jaehyun’s confession. Kun continues. “Well, good thing almost no one needs court work in this town.”

Jaehyun manages to take a look at Kun, then Doyoung. Doyoung acts like he is more occupied by the toddler but Jaehyun catches the gentle smile playing on his lips. Kun on the other hand looks excited to find Jaehyun.

“I will be honest Jaehyun. Due to the nature of our location I cannot pay you more than an assistants position but what do you think of working alongside with me, gaining some experience while you are unable to complete your license.” He winks. “Full-time payment of course.”

It is too good to be true at that moment. Hope fills his chest. Then the rational in his head finds many gaps in that offer.

“What about the-” He starts to question.

A phone ring cuts him. Doyoung nimbly pulls it out of his chest pocket. His lips purses as he looks at the name before he takes the call. Before he realizes Jaehyun is up and moving to grab Jaemin.

“Yes, professor?” He talks to the phone. “Yes, of course, I’ll come immediately.” They don't hear much more than that from Doyoung. He stands up as the call comes to an end in seconds. He mumbles many sorries to them without further explanation. He grabs his things hastily, almost forgetting his car keys on the table, and leaves them.

Jaehyun stares behind him until his car disappears at the next crossroad.

❄❄❄

_ Can you come out? _

His phone screen lights up with the text. He has been rubbing Jaemin’s back for some time now. It’s a part of their night routine. He usually continues until he himself falls asleep.

Seeing Doyoung’s name on the screen awakens him. He rubs his eyes as he checks the time. It’s barely past nine.

He leaves Jaemin on the bed after checking over and over. He presses a kiss on his mother’s cheek telling her he will be back. Running outside feels like he is seventeen again.

He grabs his coat, almost rips it away from the rack before stepping out. 

Doyoung is there, waiting under the street light. Tonight he is wearing a more cozy jacket with fluffy collar popped up to cover his face. His smile still peaks through the dark. He looks adorable when he raises the black bag up, declaring the presence of alcohol.

Jaehyun runs down the stairs. Doyoung welcomes him by throwing an arm on his shoulders.

“Hey,” He nudges the older boy slightly.

“Hey,” Doyoung smiles.

They start walking down the main street, swaying from side to side as it poses almost impossible to walk twined together.

“Sorry for leaving that day,” Doyoung speaks up. He bites on his bottom lip as he faces Jaehyun slightly, searching for his eyes.

It’s okay he wants to assure. Doyoung has already called him that night to let Jaehyun know he had to travel back to Busan for something important. He didn't want to pry into it. He wanted to give Doyoung the same safe zone he created for Jaehyun in the first place.

He gently rubs Doyoung’s shoulder, letting him know it is okay.

“We managed just fine, Doyoung.”

Doyoung hums,leading them towards the piers. As they get closer to the sea, winter breezes brush their skin. It’s almost the end of November, Jaehyun notices. With the way cold touches every possible exposed skin. Yet somehow it doesn't bother him when Doyoung keeps him just so close.

They find the benches free once again. Not many people coming out of their houses at this season.

Good thing is that the cold helps to keep their drinks refreshing. Doyoung sits across him, gathering his legs on the bench as Jaehyun takes out them out of the black plastic bag. He offers the first one to Doyoung. Proper etiquette of drinking even though he’s never talked to Doyoung as his senior.

Doyoung takes his sip to free Jaehyun from waiting.

Jaehyun leans on the backing of the bench, resting his arm on top of it to have a better position. That way he is able to see Doyoung, all clear despite the low light. He sees the worry frown between his eyebrows and his reddened neck from the cold.

“Hey,” He calls. Doyoung’s eyes catches his eyes. “You know, you don't have to keep everything bottled, right?”

“Yeah,” He is hesitant. “Yeah.”

Jaehyun gulps much of his can to give Doyoung some time. It’s maybe a minute, maybe half but then Doyoung decides to speak.

“My old head of department called that day. He said they were recruiting new members to the hospital and I had to be there.” He sighs. “I was foolish to think it was a good idea. It’s not like people change in a year. It was stupid of me.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong wanting to pursue your career.”

“Yeah, but they were the people who ended my career before I started.” He takes another sip. “During my internships I met the department head. Then I was determined to go with Anesthesiology or GS, curiously into surgeries and such, believing I would make this huge difference in people’s lives. The old man was insistent of recruiting students into his programme. He pressured me along with some other guys to follow his steps. I was already too excited to start a residency. I had more than enough scores. I got in.” He sighs once again.

Jaehyun reaches over the back of the bench to hold his hand. Trying to comfort him.

“It was all great for a couple of months until he started using me as a puppet to do dirty work. I stood up for myself. I was right all along, I didn't have to suffer. At least that’s what I thought. He indirectly outcasted me from the department. I couldn't do anything and was on the call on every legal possibility. I tried to be strong, was already in a great hospital, right?” He snorts at the thought.

“I was too young I think. It took me less than a year to sign up for a different residency. In the end no high ranking position wanted a drop out. It was easier for me to find a programme as a family doctor and come back around here.” Only when he finishes his train of thought he notices Jaehyun’s hand. He turns his palm up to incompas Jaehyun’s hand into his. “And that’s how I ended up here. Just like you, a giant change of plans.”

Jaehyun rubs on top of his hand with his thumb, drawing circles. “Well maybe we needed to be here in the end.”

Doyoung pushes their hands around until their fingers link naturally. “Yeah maybe this was all part of the plan-”

Ringing cuts their warmness abruptly.

“Ah! These phone calls!” Jaehyun curses as he fishes his phone from his pocket. “Sorry,” He mumbles before pressing it to his ear.

“Yes, this is Jung Jaehyun.”

_ “Hey, Jaehyun-ah.” _

“Yuta hyung? Why are you calling at this hour?” He frowns.

_ “Jaehyun, I think you need to come to Seoul. As soon as possible.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we have introduced many aspects to the story! But we are almost there, fitting the last pieces of the puzzle. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, if you have kudos and comments are very much appreciated.  
> You can find me on twitter at [outlawofideal](https://twitter.com/outlawofideal) and on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/outlawofideal) with the same handle.


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have come to an end for this story. I have enjoyed writing this story and sharing it with all of you. Thank you so much for all the comments you guys have left.
> 
> Hope you like this one!

Jaehyun’s life has seem to become a cycle of patching up after out of blue phone calls. The night goes on restless. He rolls around the bed, barely avoiding waking Jaemin. He texts with Yuta, trying to understand things better. His hyung doesn't explain much but assures him that he can stay with them as the work through the problems.

Being the most understanding person Doyoung has promised to pick him up in the morning. When Jaehyun ended the call, Doyoung was already texting around to rearrange his off days. Jaehyun can't even question how he manages that, more focused on figuring out what to do with Jaemin. A talk with his mother helps him decide leaving him behind is better. She gets some days off like Doyoung, promising to look after the boy. She consoles Jaehyun’s worries, pulling him into a warm hug. She clearly knows how important Jaemin’s presence in Jaehyun’s life. And for that Jaehyun is more than grateful.

Êven after countless assurances his mind stays with Jaemin. He worries about him being alone, but he trusts his mother to look after him. She is a mother after all. He just h

The car ride is weirdly static. Doyoung tries his best to involve Jaehyun in small talk. Offering a breakfast kimbap and drinks he somehow thought of bringing. His voice is a constant that calms Jaehyun’s nerves to an extend. The soft music doesn't help much either. He is thankful for all of it. Yet his mind remains fuzzy, stuck on what ifs.

When Yuta told him that they found Sooyoung all kinds of things went through mind. He doesn't know what he will do when he sees her once again. Saying he is nervous would be an understatement.

An hour and half into their ride, Doyoung diverts to a rest stop. Jaehyun is grateful for the ability to have some fresh air. Doyoung doesn't bother him when he strays away after their bathroom visit.

He takes steps absentmindedly, not knowing where it will take him.

His phone feels like dead weight in his hand. He itches for something relieve him, maybe a smoke or a punch. Whatever comes first.

He sighs as he stares at his phone, battling the instinct to dial up Sooyoung’s number. He doubts the number will dial as usual. Even then he cannot stop thinking of hearing her voice. What will she say? Has she been okay? What will he say about their baby? What if she wants Jaemin back? He can't do that. No. He won't be able to live without Jaemin.

His chest feels tight as he struggles to breathe.

What if he loses both of them? What if she disappears with Jaemin this time? Jaehyun can't let go of Jaemin like he did with her. He needs Jaemin as much as Jaemin needs him.

His head drops low, his eyes watering instantaneously. He tries to breathe better. But it feels impossible. His throat feels tight as if it is closing up. He pulls his collar open despretaly yet it doesn't relieve the lump forming in his throat.

He haves. Doesn't know for how long he struggles.

Hands fill his vision, grabbing him by the cheeks. Cold fingers burn his skin. They gently tuck his hair away and force him to look up again.

“Jaehyun!” Doyoung calls for him. Hopeless, as if he did many times. “Hey, Jaehyun look at me.”

Jaehyun tries but tears roll down his face. He hiccups. Finally breathing air in.

“You are okay, Jaehyun. You are fine.” Doyoung whispers, approaching closer.

He doesn't realize he has been shaking until he tries to hold onto him. His hands feel useless as he struggles to grab Doyoung.

“Breathe with me.” He says. Jaehyun complies. It’s hard at first but gets easier with every new try. Doyoung’s hands remain on his face, stroking his skin. He wipes away Jaehyun’s tears every time another round rolls down.

He finally presses their foreheads together, forcing Jaehyun to focus on nothing else but him.

His eyes plead, open and shining. They are so beautiful to Jaehyun. He is so beautiful when he is the person holding Jaehyun together.

“We are okay Jaehyun. It’s going to be fine.” He says, his brows furrowed as he tries to keep Jaehyun stable.

All Jaehyun can do is nod at that moment.

❄❄❄

_ Jaehyun goes to Sooyoung after her call. He meets her in front of the dorms. It’s afternoon with sun starting to set. The late spring makes the longer days warmer. He still brings a jacket just in case, maybe Sooyoung will need it. _

_ She comes down, in casual clothing. Her hair is put up in a bun, eyes exhausted. _

_ He offers her his hand, she gladly takes it. _

_ Instead of going to somewhere special, making it into date, they take walk around the campus. After about twenty minutes, Sooyoung gives up and perches under one those ancient oaks. _

_ Jaehyun sits besides her, leaning his head on her shoulder. _

_ “Noona,” He whispers. “Are you okay?” _

_ “I don't know, Hyun-ie. I don't know.” _

_ They sit for a long time, hands laced together. The light turns to dark orange, barely peeking between the buildings. _

_ “Jaehyun,” She says, breaking their silence. _

_ “Hmm?” _

_ “I think we should break up.” Jaehyun looks up in search of reasons. He doesn't find them. She seems to be avoiding his eyes. Still holds his hand, gently caressing the skin. _

_ “Noona?” _

_ “I’m graduating soon, Hyun-ie. We won't be able to go on anyway. You will go to military soon after.” _

_ He turns towards her, forcing her to face Jaehyun. He looks long and deep in her eyes. She seems determined. He doesn't know if his words would be enough. _

_ He leans forward to press a kiss on top of her cheek. He whispers. “Okay~” _

❄❄❄

Jaehyun punches to code for Johnny and Yuta’s condo. It’s the same as before. He leads Doyoung inside.

It’s somewhat foreign now that he is here because he has nowhere else to go in Seoul. It feels like he is introducing Doyoung to what his life used to be even though it’s not his house. The house is filled with books and files but there isn't many furniture. They have gathered dust from not being used due to his hyungs not being at their home much.

Jaehyun takes Doyoung’s coat for him. His hesitancy to enter is obvious, looking around the place foolishly. After he hangs their coats, Jaehyun grabs him by the elbow until they are standing in the middle of the living room.

“Take a seat. We have at least a couple of hours before they come home.” He walks towards the open kitchen as he sees him obey, grabbing two bottles of water for them.

He perches besides Doyoung, offering one of the bottles. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“It’s okay, Jaehyun. It is the least I can do.” He takes it, cracking the plastic lid. Jaehyun watches him down half the bottle then wiping his lips with the back of his hands. Only then he catches Jaehyun staring. He lets him, leaning against the back of the coach. 

Their eyes remain locked for who knows how long. It’s easy to be like this. Doyoung has always been the calmer of his friends. Now is not an expectation. He lets Jaehyun look at him, nervous and weary. He stays collected.

He reaches out a hand for Jaehyun to linger onto.

Jaehyun grabs his hand. “Thank you. You know, for what happened at the stop.”

Doyoung pulls him closer, forcing Jaehyun to sit down next to him. Thighs pressed together. “Jaehyun. You don't have to thank me.”

Jaehyun locks their fingers together. “I know” He whispers.

Like he has guessed, it takes his friends until five p.m. to comeback. After a while of sitting together he let’s Doyoung nap on the big couch until then, tired due to driving. He settles on rustling their bookshelf until he finds the book on family laws. He calls back home to check on Jaemin, who seems confused by him being away. He still calls for him excitedly over the phone.

_ “Papa!” _ He cheers.

“I miss you too, baby.”

_ “DAD!*”  _ It’s the first time he hears Jaemin pronounce it properly. For it being over the phone makes his heart ache. He almost regrets his choice of leaving him.

Then he remembers why he didn't. All the possible court goings, visiting legal offices. It would tire both Jaemin and him. With so many people unknown to him. He didn't want to drag him around until Jaemin was on the brim of tears. 

He still misses his baby. It has been barely a day but he misses Jaemin’s blabbering.

The door chimes with the incomers. He barely sees his friends from the armchair he has fit himself onto. He stretches his head back to the point of almost falling out of the chair to get a better look. Yuta waves at him as he takes his ridiculously puffy giant coat off.

He remains in that position until Johnny slaps his forehead on passing. In an automated fashion, his friends start various kitchen appliances and get rid of their uncomfortable clothing. Walking in and out of their bedroom, they exchange the duty of keeping an eye on the boiling water.

Yuta is the one that finishes up first. He approaches them, cautious to not wake Doyoung up.

“Sorry for calling you like that.” He whispers, leaning on the back of the armchair Jaehyun is occupying.

“It’s okay.”

Yuta reaches to ruffle Jaehyun’s hair. “I’m glad you are here Jaehyun.”

“Hyung~.” He whines. He doesn't like the babying.

That doesn't stop Yuta from doing it. He pets Jaehyun’s head. “We’ll talk over a meal, yeah?”

Jaehyun gets nervous at that. Not knowing what will be coming. He frowns.

Yuta nods towards Doyoung. “You wake him up. Let’s have some dinner.”

They manage to skip around Jaehyun for two more hours, even making Doyoung chat with them. Jaehyun senses it’s not good news. He can read it on Johnny’s worried looks and Yuta’s averting eyes. He appreciates their efforts to protect him. But he has grown restless.

He cuts Yuta mid talk, “Just tell me,”

The air tenses for a couple of seconds.

Johnny sighs. “Jaehyun,”

“Hyung, I can handle it. Just tell me what it is that you are hiding from me!” Snapping isn't the best way to get his hyungs to talk but he is desperate at this point.

There’s a warmth over his skin first, then a gentle hand places over his thigh. Doyoung squeezes it, trying to be the harbour to Jaehyun’s storm.

“Okay,” Johnny gives up. His shoulders droop down visibly. “Let’s break it into chunks. First of all, good news for the case. We have solid reasons that our request will be accepted. From our suspicions she most likely was unable to write you down as the father on the registration because you two were unmarried. The birth-certificate however is legitimate and helps our case by miles. Shows that she acknowledged your parenthood.” He mumbles. Jaehyun senses the giant  _ but  _ coming after his words.

“But?”

“Well, Jaehyun-”

Yuta completes his words for him. “We found where Sooyoung is. I thought you needed to be here and see her-”

“You found her?” Jaehyun’s excitement grows for a second. Forgetting the presence of Doyoung besides him, he raises from his seat. He wants to see her. His heart beats madly, hurting his chest. He misses her. Too much time away. Too many questions he has.

Johnny reaches over the table to grab him by the arm. His face tells another story. Far different from Jaehyun’s hope.

“Jaehyun,” He tries to break it gently. But there isn't such a way for the words that follow. “She is sick.”

Jaehyun feels his heart break into pieces once again.

❄❄❄

Going back to Asan Medical Center is more burdensome than he expects. He barely sees the ER enterence but that’s more than enough to remember the panic he was filled with. He still remembers the fit Jaemin threw when he saw Jaehyun instead of his mother.

The idea of he will see Soyoung first time in three years is nerve-wrecking. He has been biting his nails since the moment he woke up. Yet overall he is unsure of what to feel about it all. When he last saw her, he was still madly in love with her. He was imagining a future together with her. Now that their lives got tied together this unfortunately he doesn't know if he still wishes the same.

Doyoung stays near him but usually gets disconnected by the rush of calls from his fellows back in their home. He still makes sure to be there to make Jaehyun feel safe. It is very much appreciated.

Climbing to the eleventh floor and searching for the room takes a good chunk of their time but Jaehyun soon realizes he cannot avoid it forever. He has to face her and their crooked faith somehow.

It’s a shared room but thankfully the second bed is empty. Doyoung and Johnny remain by the door. Johnny tries to come along but Doyoung stops him with a firm grip. Forcing Jaehyun to handle it alone.

He sees Sooyoung’s younger sister first, leaning on the window perch. She frowns at him, clearly remembering his face from the time they met years ago.

Only when he comes close enough towards the bed, he sees her behind the separating curtain.

He doesn't believe himself in that moment. His brain short-circuits. Only focused on her. And he thinks, she is still beautiful. 

She is wearing a beanie on her head, hiding her now bold head. Even the ugly hospital gown can't seem to steal from her when she smiles at him.

“Noona,” He wails, not able to control his voice anymore.

“Hyun-ie.” Her voice is drained, much like her body. “You found me.” She reaches out her hand towards him. He takes it.

Although she seems to be mad at him, Sooyoung’s sister offers him a seat. He takes it so he can be level with Sooyoung.

“Noona, a-are you okay? What-” Their voices clash. Speaking over each other.

“Hyun-ie, is Jaemin okay?”

He nods, silent. His eyes fill with tears once again, thinking about him. He cannot imagine what Sooyoung might feel.

It turns out to be sympathy. Her voice is so soft when she speaks again.

“Don't cry, Hyun-ie. I knew you would take care of him.”

“Why didn't you tell me sooner?” He exhales. He doesn't know what he means. If it’s about being with her through the pregnancy or the illness. Maybe both. He really doesn't know. He holds onto her tiny hand with all he has got.

“I couldn't when I hurt you so badly. I wouldn't if not for my inability to take care of our baby.”

“Noona,”

“Jaehyun-” She stops him. A beat of silence proves how much influence she still has over him. “Will you promise to take care of Jaemin? Huh? Even if I am not here anymore. I don't even need you to tell him about me. Just promise me that you will take care of him.”

It’s painful to see him practically beg for their son. He doesn't know what would he do if any of those possibilities were to come true.

“Don't say that. You will be here!” He insists. He doesn't know that. No one really does. Bu he chooses to be the hopeful one.

“We don't know that Jaehyun.” She echoes his thoughts. Her determination remains apparent once again, forcing Jaehyun to back down. This time she doesn't let him drown in thoughts, the side that finds the worst in every situation. She grabs his hands tighter.

“But what I know is that I can trust you. I know you will raise him as best as you can. Gentle and kind, just like yourself. From the moment I learned about Jaemin, I knew you would be the best father on the earth. I didn't plan on introducing you like that but I couldn't keep taking care of him when i was unable to do feed us. I was brimmed in dept and had to take on more with more treatment. I just-”

“You don't have to explain.” He assures. They are both on the brim of crying, but he tries to keep himself together. For Sooyoung who has been through hell in the last three years. Because of Jaehyun.

Bringing a child to the world is an already hard task. Doing it alone is even worse. He can't imagine what had pushed Sooyoung to do so. Whatever it might be involves a hand from Jaehyun. And he cannot stop feeling guilty.

Like she can read his mind, Sooyoung speaks again. “I don't resent you for Jaemin. I chose to keep him. I wanted him. I just hope you don't resent me either.”

“I don't.” He confesses. He once did. So much. For dumping this huge responsibility on him. But when Jaemin looked at him with his bright eyes, demanding his presence he was already done for. “I will try everything in my capability to give Jaemin a proper life. I promise.”

Sooyoung smiles fondly. “That’s all I need to hear.” She reaches out to caress his hair. He comes closer to let her. “Hyun-ie, thank you for being my friend.”

“Always.” He whispers.

❄❄❄

By a miracle, Jaehyun manages to hold it together. It’s only when the night falls on them, the dark and silence presses on his chest he loses control.

They have left the hospital only when the guest hours were coming to an end. Johnny had to practically pull him out of the room. Jaehyun only left with the promises to comeback.

He pang in his chest never dulled down since he saw her. All washed out by life.

He turns to his side, trying to avoid Doyoung who is sleeping on the other mattress a meter away from him. He pulls the covers up to his face. It’s the tiniest of privacy he gets.

In that moment everything feels impossibly hard. Breathing is hard. Trying to not to think is hard. He just wants to scream until he can’t. His nails dig deep into his palms as he trembles.

He is scared. So scared.

He doesn't want to lose Sooyoung. He doesn't want Jaemin to lose Sooyoung.

Sooyoung who thought him to stand tall for who he was. Sooyoung who taught him how to love. Sooyoung whom he still carries as a part of himself.

He hiccups. It rings loud in the silence of the night.

He doesn't realize he has been crying until the pillow gets colder under his cheek. He wipes away his face with the back of his hand but it doesn't help. He cries even more as he tries to stop it.

He doesn't want to be alone in this world with his son. His son deserves more than he can give.

The shift happens suddenly. His mattress dips. A hand places on his shoulder, rubbing gently.

“Jaehyun?” Doyoung whispers.

Jaehyun peaks under the blanket, finding a worried Doyoung. His face is casted with the moonlight. His brows furrow as he leans over Jaehyun’s figure.

Jaehyun turns around to face him fully. 

Seeing Doyoung clearer, Jaehyun comes to a realization of how he must look in other’s eyes. Desperate. Childish? But when Doyoung looks at him directly in the eyes, Jaehyun doesn't feel frail. He is not small before him. Pity never lingers in his eyes. His worry is there yet he doesn't overbare him. He waits.

Jaehyun sobs again, unintentionally.

Doyoung’s hold on his shoulder tightens.

“Hyung,” He barely speaks. “Will you hold me? Even if it is for the night?”

Doyoung nods. Carefully, he slides under the protective shield of the blanket. Jaehyun reaches for him without much thought. Doyoung welcomes him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

They slot together easily. Doyoung pulls the blanket over them, barely covering both of them.

Jaehyun hides his face into Doyoung’s chest. The warmth of their bodies is calming. Jaehyun breathes better with every passing minute. Doyoung’s hand mindlessly wonders on his back, drawing patterns gently.

He feels thankful for Doyoung.

Doyoung who has been just a memory. Doyoung who entered his life in a whim. Doyoung who make him feel like a person again. Doyoung who makes him feel complete.

❄❄❄

As his stay stretches onto a third day, he finds himself waving behind Doyoung. Quickly they have come to the realization of due to his schedule Doyoung has to go back. It’s one of those moments Jaehyun finds himself in an enlightening.

His youth has come to an end.

Now they have responsibilities to handle. People to care for.

It doesn't feel dramatic or sad like in movies. Instead the slight tremble of uncertainty takes over. Yet he doesn't yearn for who he was five years ago. As he stands there outside of Johnny’s home, waving behind Doyoung. He likes who he has become. He doesn't despise what have brought him there anymore.

That day he visits Sooyoung once again. This time all alone.

Her sister doesn't give him side eye anymore, lets him peel the fruit he has brought for Sooyoung.

Sooyoung seems to like his presence, cracking jokes despite her overall tiredness. Jaehyun indulges her with conversation over conversation. He talks about school, their friends, his hometown, Jaemin… She tells her some of his steps. The ones Jaehyun missed. Jaehyun tells his own memories with their son.

“Doyoung helped so much with the hospital-”

“Is that him? Doyoung?”

Jaehyun stares blankly. “Huh?”

“The boy that brought you here. The one who has been waiting for you the last time.” Sooyoung explains.

“Oh-” He looks at the door as if Doyoung is still there. “Yeah.”

“He seems to care for you.” Sooyoung rubs over his skin where their hands meet. “Do you like him too?”

It doesn't surprise him, her observations. He knows how he acts around Doyoung, as if he doesn't know who he is anymore. Instead of why’s Jaehyun takes his moment to think about Doyoung. The small things that makes him want to be near him. His thoughtfulness. His sincere eyes and blatant words. The way he reciprocates Jaemin’s sincere interest. And their small bond that excludes everyone, even Jaehyun.

He smiles, uncontrollably. “To be honest, I don't know, noona.” He admits. “But I don't think it matters. I enjoy the times he presents me.”

Sooyoung giggles. “Is that the gift Jaemin gave you? Just being in the moment.” Jaehyun joins her joy.

“Yeah, I think so.” He presses her face into her hands. His ears getting warmer as he bashes in her attention. “Jaemin-ie has taught me so much more in a couple of months than the entirety of our university life.”

Sooyoung ruffles the hair on the back of his head fondly. “I am just glad that our son has found his way to your heart too.”

Jaehyun peeks up between his bangs. Sooyoung’s gentle expression is soothing.

“Our son…” He mumbles.

Silence. Sinking of reality. The topic they have been going around of...

“Noona,” He calls. “Do you wish to keep his custody? To keep him as ours.”

Sooyoung takes a sharp breath. She still breaks into a smile even with tears flooding her eyes. She grabs his face, hands brushing between his hair.

“Oh, Hyun-ie.” She says, her voice trembling. “My ever gentle Hyun-ie.”

Jaehyun feels himself tear up.

“I wish things have gone differently. It’s all wishful dreams I can't fulfil.” She holds him, strong but careful. “I know what you want to tell, don't worry.”

He places his hands over hers, clasping their fingers together. “Will you be okay with me being his only parent?”

She nods. Once. A beat later, twice.

“I wouldn't want it any other way.” She whispers. “If I can't be there for him, I at least wish you can be.”

“Sooyoung,” Jaehyun squeezes her hands. “I promise to do my best.”

She sniffles, smiling through it all. Jaehyun helps her clean her face.

“Do you want to see him? Before we do the legal stuff.” He asks as he wipes the tears down on her chin.

“Please-”

“Don't worry. I’ll bring our son to you.”

❄❄❄

It doesn't take long to figure out logistics. Johnny lends him his car and Yuta happily shows Jaehyun the baby seat they bought. For him, for Jaemin to be a part of their crooked sense of family.

He leaves right after his friends go to work. The moment he is on the national roads, he gives a call to his mother. To ease her heart about everything. Even though he is sure, he will be having a lengthy chat with her once he is back home.

It is maybe twenty minutes later his phone rings, cutting the chorus of the song he was trying to sing along. He sees his name flash on the screen. He doesn't even think about it before accepting the call.

Doyoung asks about how things are going. Then their chat turns into a live update of the hospital from him. They talk away the total of Doyoung’s break time. It’s easy with him. To talk about things that matter and those that don't.

Doyoung listens but mostly he knows when Jaehyun needs something other than talking about his worries. He easily slips between the topics of his annoying coworker and the soup recipe he has been trying to cook yesterday.

When the call ends and the song comes back, the words that ring inside the car make him wonder.

Of the blue the singer yearns for. The one that comforts. Brings out his smiles. And that brings in the moments of contentment. And the void that comes along with it all.

It’s sad. The song. It’s about lingering to the love you barely found. Jaehyun realizes he doesn't want to feel that way. Not again. He doesn't want to be one leaving him behind.

He wants to hold on to his  _ blue.  _ The one that might whisper his feelings back to him.

_ His blue. The one that is calm, collected. The one that bares his own storms within. Waves crashing on both of their wounds. Yet somehow bringing the feeling of safe havens. _

_ The one that makes him want to hold him until they forget the time and date. His blue. The one that has been chosen. By the most important fragment of his heart. The one that holds on to him dearly with his tiny hands. _

Jaehyun gulps. He doesn't know how to gather his feelings or even if they exist on that romantic plane. Yet he barely thinks Doyoung will mind it. Whichever way they might exist.

Maybe that’s what this supposed to be. Different from all of his crash and falls. Something fluttering but safe.

Maybe Sooyoung was right about him.

❄❄❄

Home is a weird balance of things to him. Jaemin is his home. His friends feel like home. His oldtown is a part of it too. It’s mostly the comfort the town brings to him. As his life seems to settle somewhere between Seoul and this small town he wonders what will be his binder in this mess.

He has an idea of it. A tiny voice in his head.

And he is determined to confirm his suspicions.

After packing up enough things to go by for a couple weeks, the first thing he does is to grab his phone. He dials the last number, his name sits along with his mother and Johnny. 

Doyoung picks up after two rings. “Hey, Jaehyun-”

“Hyung,” he cuts him, brimming with unfamiliar excitement. “Have breakfast with us?”

“Oh,” He hears some rustling around. Then Doyoung’s voice croaks as if he just woke up. “Yeah, sure. But I don't have anything at home. What about Taeil hyung’s place in fifteen?”

Jaehyun makes sure to wrap Jaemin in warm clothes before heading out. As December comes the winds become more than just chilly. Thankfully hyung’s restaurant is very close to the bus stop so it takes them not much before they can rest in a warm place once again. Taeil hyung welcomes them. Although he carries a curious expression, he makes sure to sit them in a nice spot where they can see the street. There’s no one else but them in the place as its too early for this small town to bustle.

Taeil brings them the day’s soup and a small array of side dishes without asking. He places three bowls on the table and rubs his shoulder assuringly before he goes back to the kitchen.

Doyoung bursts into the place about five minutes later. Jaehyun almost doesn't notice with the way he is concentrated on how Jaemin is holding his spoon.

When he looks up he sees the tiny glimpse of the Doyoung he knew years ago. His hair messy and his black shirt all over the place. He almost skips on his feet as he approaches them.

“Jaehyun-” He pants, trying to catch his breath.

“Hi,” He bursts into an uncontrollable smile when he sees Doyoung. He reaches over the table to fix the front of his bangs for him.

Jaemin joins him, trying his best. “Papa!” He calls.

Doyoung reaches for the baby without realizing. He supplies Jaemin’s demand. The toddler smiles with joy.  _ “Dad!*” _ He giggles. Doyoung stops breathing for a second, slowly searching for Jaehyun’s eyes. Looking for a confirmation of what he heard was correct.

Jaehyun cackles at his expression. “It’s a new habit.” He tries his best to give his most reassuring smile. “Let’s eat first?” 

Doyoung nods.

Food is good, something simple but tasty enough to satisfy them in the early morning. It takes them quite a bit longer with Jaemin bouncing between them, eating from both of their bowls messily. But they make do.

The more he watches them together, the more Jaehyun becomes certain. 

“Kim Doyoung,” He calls. “I need to tell something to you.”

Doyoung looks up barely, clearly distracted by the way Jaemin is trying to feed him a heapful spoon of rice. “Yeah?”

“I know this is not the best moment, I don't know if that will ever come. And I am not the easiest person to have as a company.”

“Jaehyun what are you-”

“I am aware it is a challenge to be by me. And it will probably remain to be a challenge. But if you will have me, have us-” He takes a deep breath.

Doyoung is now looking at him. He doesn't cut his words again. Waits with his lips pursed, taking in his words. But something in his eyes glints back. The tiny creases besides them herald a brimming smile.

Jaehyun finds to courage to go on when he looks at him, when he is besides him. Cause it is Doyoung. Cause it is them. He is willing to take his chances.

“Will you date me?”

And that moment he can swear the smile that breaks on Doyoung’s face is the most beautiful sight he has witnessed in a while. He hopes to see it again. Again. And again.

Fin.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *in korean the informal version for the word father, 아빠(appa) has a similar sound to pronunciation of papa. the formal-informal versions can be comparable to dad-father in english
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I know this is an unconventional handling of an ending. But i promise there is more to this universe just not for this timeframe! I will try to show you more of it with more time in my hands.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, if you have kudos and comments are very much appreciated.  
> If you have anything you want to tell or ask me, you can find me on twitter at [outlawofideal](https://twitter.com/outlawofideal) and on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/outlawofideal) with the same handle.


	6. Epilouge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there,
> 
> I am here with one last installment of Blue. Hope you enjoy this too.
> 
> This takes a couple years from where we left it off.

That night, Busan is colder than usual. Home feels chilly as Jaehyun pads through the living room. Bedroom and Jaemin’s room are on other sides of the house. One of the many cons of their house but one that doesn't matter much. He takes in the mess the house is in while he nervously locks and unlocks his phone.

His thoughts are heavy and clouded. Sooyoung’s consoling while Jaemin cried himself to sleep still rings in his ear. Closing the door behind himself, Jaehyun throws himself inside the bedroom. It’s already too late. He is too tired. There’s still work tomorrow. He really wishes it was a Friday today.

After the click of the lock, he still feels some relief washing over him. Their room is dimly lit with a candle and the small lamp on the bedside table. Doyoung is on his phone, already tucked under the duvet cover.

He looks up at Jaehyun when he hears the lock.

“How did it go?”

“I don't think Jaemin ever will understand the concept of having a mother that is not at home.” He sighs as he approaches the bed. He drops his phone on the bed before taking off his hoodie. Despite being early fall the nights have become cold enough for him to need them.

Doyoung keeps his eyes on him. He always does.

“It’s hard on him. He sees other kids with their mothers everyday and he sees Sooyoung only once in a while.” He lifts the duvet for him.

“Yeah, I know. But lulling him to sleep after a crying fit always breaks my heart. Sometimes I wish Sooyoung could be here.”

Jaehyun snuggles closer until Doyoung can throw the cover over his shoulders.

“We should be grateful she is still with us. She had a tough time.”

“You are right.” Jaehyun mumbles into Doyoung’s shoulder. “Why are you always right?”

“Cause I am your hyung, kiddo.” Doyoung teases.

Jaehyun huffs at that. “I just sometimes wish, we could all live together. Wouldn't that be nice? For Jaemin too.”

Doyoung hums at that, petting his hair. “Maybe. I don't know. I don't know your relationship with her enough to say much. But I just know that you would get your ass handed to you if Sooyoung was here. I only let you live this messy cause I am a very nice person.”

Jaehyun chuckles as he leans closer to Doyoung. “Maybe because you love me.” He smirks. Doyoung pinches his nose.

“Is she doing well at least?”

“Yeah. She hopes to clear off Christmas and come here. Will that be okay?”

Doyoung takes a moment staring at him. Taking in Jaehyun’s expression before he melts into him. He grabs Jaehyun’s cheek.

“Of course baby. You know I will never distance Jaemin from his mother. You don't have to check with me.” His thumb grazes Jaehyun’s cheekbones.

“How are you so perfect?” Jaehyun whispers, unbelieving. “Kim Doyoung, you are so perfect it baffles me.”

Doyoung presses a chaste kiss to his lips. Jaehyun chases him back until he is leaning up on his arms. He hovers over Doyoung’s body before leaning into a kiss. Doyoung welcomes him, he always does.

He wraps his arms around Jaehyun, pulling him closer. Jaehyun falls on top of his chest, both of them groaning from the crash before breaking into laughter.

“I don't think I can love anyone like I love you.” Jaehyun whispers. Doyoung smiles at him.

“I love you too, you sentimental baby.”

❄❄❄

With time home became something else for Jaehyun. He didn't know how to belong before. He didn't want to belong. Looking back he was a child trying to pose as a grown up.

Home is different now, when he can crash anywhere and somehow still be able to function. Home is different when Doyoung holds him, rubs his back until he feels better. Home is when Jaemin comes running to him at the sight of him after getting out of the school bus.

He cradles the boy close to his chest, an old habit they both still enjoy.

“Daddy!” Jaemin cheers, wrapping his legs around Jaehyun.

Jaehyun indulges him. They wave the school bus away per tradition before walking to their home.

“Daddy, why didn't Papa come? You don't come to get me.” Jaemin pouts but stares up curiously.

“Remember we are going to grandma’s, yeah? Papa went to get some gifts for grandma.” He watches his son’s eyes shine with excitement.

“Giiiiftsss!” He yells loudly in the apartment hall. Jaehyun hushes him to remind him of proper behavior. Jaemin quickly apologizes and keeps calm until Jaehyun places him down to punch their door code.

He goes in running, barely taking his shoes off before he steps to the living room.

“Wash your hands first!” Jaehyun yells behind him as he cleans up the mess of shoes and school supplies.

He finds his way around the small apartment. There’s only two rooms and a small open layout for the kitchen but it’s more than enough. To have a proper roof over them in a big city is an incredible feat compared to what he had years prior.

He takes out the leftovers to make things easier for them in a couple of hours. He sets a table while he waits for Jaemin to exit the bathroom. As he expects, Jaemin comes out, all wet and ready to watch his favorite show.

Jaehyun barely manages to wipe his wet bangs before he escapes from him.

“Did you pack your bag like I told you?”

“Uhm,” Jaemin mumbles, still focused on the TV. “Papa promised to help me.”

Jaehyun sighs. Thankfully he prepared most of his stuff prior but he still goes into Jaemin’s room to gather around his favorite toys and book. He neatly places them on his tiny bed along with his favorite dinosaur shaped backpack.

Doyoung coming home still excites him. Same as the day they moved in. It’s their home, what they made of life. That day he comes bearing two nicely packaged Songpyeon boxes in his hand. His worn out jean jacket is on despite it being early fall. 

Jaehyun goes to take the bags from him and pushes him back to the entryway, hiding them from the sight of Jaemin for a second.

He hugs Doyoung. His hyung follows suit, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun.

“Missed me much?” He just nods. Doyoung smiles softly at him. His eyes crease at the edges. Their ages have started to show on their faces bit by bit. Jaehyun still finds everything about him attractive. He holds his cheek and presses a peck to his lips. Soft and endearing. He loves having Doyoung for himself, he loves doing nothing just to be by him.

It’s Doyoung that breaks their embrace. He pushes Jaehyun's hair away from his face, and takes a look at his eyes properly. “Let’s have some dinner. We have a long night ahead.”

❄❄❄

The drive to their hometown is not so challenging usually. They have done it many times. But Chuseok holiday means there is traffic, a lot of it. Everyone is trying to go back to their families. Despite their attempts to use the night-drive as a leverage, there are still many cars.

Thankfully, Jaemin is sound asleep at his seat, giving them time to be alone. Jaehyun puts on a calmer foreign playlist. Something they both can enjoy without disturbing Jaemin.

“Have you called your mom?” He asks. “Does she know you will be there?”

“I’m still staying with you.” Doyoung replies without looking away from the road.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it. You should have the memorial meal with your family.”

“I will, with hyung.” Doyoung cuts the conversation. He knows Doyoung doesn't have the best relationship with his family despite visiting them frequently. Ever since he was kicked out of his first position his mother has been pushing Doyoung’s buttons until he eventually broke down. So Jaehyun doesn't push further and hopes for the best.

Along the way, as silence brings drowsiness, they stop at a station. Doyoung buys gas to last them for the week. Jaehyun gets snacks and canned coffee to get them through the rest of the drive. He opens one as he exits the market.

The other one is for Doyoung, who waits for him, leaning against the hood. He looks so handsome despite the shitty LED lighting.

His short choppy bangs fall on his forehead as he tries to cozy into his jacket. His pink cheeks adorn his face. A grumpy expression and a pout. His beautiful eyes.

Jaehyun loves him. Oh, he loves him so much.

He opens the other coffee for Doyoung before giving it. They stand there in the middle of the night, sipping tasteless cold coffee. Some cars pass by them. People look at them like they are weird. Two men pressed close, touching from their shoulders to their hips. It doesn't matter. It’s their moment. To share. To have.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” Doyoung mumbles in between sips. “I’m just- you know.”

Jaehyun pushes his shoulder playfully. “I know. I know.”

“Have you called your friends? Johnny? Are they coming over? Maybe I should stay at mom’s.”

“Ah, yeah. But only on the third day, so don't worry.”

“Why? They should come. Chuseok is always better with family.”

“I think they just want to spend their holiday together.” Jaehyun finishes up his drink, waiting for Doyoung.

They eventually settle back in the car. Jaemin startles a bit when the engine starts but it’s easy for him to fall back. Unlike his old days, he sleeps well. It makes Jaehyun full of happiness, to see him grow into a routine.

The rest of the drive goes in rather smoothly. The traffic lessens as they approach their town. Impatient Jaehyun cracks one of the windows. The breath of fresh air fills the car as they ride through hilly roads. The night takes over as the street lights become spars. Then they see their town. Home.

All silent besides the disturbed crash of the sea.

❄❄❄

Jaehyun’s childhood house is still the same as two years ago. His mother persists to keep everything the same even the rusty old television despite her love of dramas. Only change happens when they come to stay. Because Jaehyun’s room is too small, she puts them into her own while sleeping in Jaehyun’s bed with Jaemin.

Despite their late arrival last night, she still cradled the kid in her arms before going to sleep. Her stubbornness is very reminiscent of Doyoung some days that Jaehyun is appalled. Still he ends up grateful because the bedding here is big enough to fit them without latching onto one another. He gets a decent sleep.

Doyoung is still asleep when he slips out of the room. He pads to the kitchen like usual. Looking for water. On his way, he sees his mom with Jaemin in the living room. They are seated at the table before the TV, eating their breakfast while an episode of Pororo runs. 

They are wearing their respective hanboks, certainly a new one for the boy from his mom. They look like a proper family like this. Jaemin imitates his grandmother, trying so hard to use his chopsticks like her.

His heart warms at the sight. Jaemin has always belonged here in some ways. Spending almost half of his life here with his grandmother while he struggled to put their life together. It still makes him happy to see his son picking up the routine here so easily.

They seem to be more than okay with their breakfast so he backtracks. He makes coffee before returning to the bedroom.

The smell wakes Doyoung up. Jaehyun takes his moment with him. They hide behind the closed door for the moment being. They have been doing okay in a big city. It wasn't hard for them, they didn't have to pretend much. Returning back home always means a switch must be turned off for them. Slowly putting the distance inbetween and pretending.

It doesn't take much from their love for the place. It’s still their hometown. It’s home to them. They grew up here. 

Jaehyun still takes his time before letting Doyoung go. Doyoung indulges him, sipping his coffee slowly.

“Have breakfast here before going to your parents for the ceremony,” His words remain somewhere between a demand and a question. Doyoung still understands him. He always does.

“Only if you show me how adorable you look in your hanbok.”' He muses.

“Deal,” Jaehyun smiles brightly. “But then you have to send me pictures back!”

❄❄❄

Hearing their arrival Taeil opens the diner for them on the second day. They leave the house by lunch time. Jaehyun’s mother waves them off, telling them to enjoy their time. Jaehyun feels grateful to have her. She willingly takes care of Jaemin, letting them enjoy the small town on their own.

It still makes Jaehyun feel like a teenager whenever they stroll through the streets. Doyoung indulges his excitement, playing along. There’s a skip to Jaehyun’s steps. His excitement is clear especially when he holds onto Doyoung’s hand.

Doyoung doesn't shoo him when Jaehyun fixes his scarf in public like usual, despite being in their childhood neighbourhood now filled with a lot of people that left for the cities.

The bus ride is relatively calm, holding hands underneath their layers, squished between their legs. It’s familiar. Calming. Jaehyun loves it.

They are about to reach the diner when Doyoung stops him. Taeyong’s family mart is nearby, closed as the holidays settle in. There aren't many people at this side of the road but Jaehyun can see the bustling crowds nearing the peers.

He raises his eyebrows as he takes in the serious expression on Doyoung’s face. His boyfriend takes a deep breath before grabbing Jaehyun’s hand.

“I’m gonna come out.” He blurts.

“What?” Jaehyun asks while the words settle in.

“Tonight. I’m gonna tell mom.” Doyoung repeats, shyer than before. Jaehyun clasps his hands taking in his expression.

“You know you don't have to, right?”

“Yeah,” Doyoung breathes. “But I want to.”

“Why?”

“I want to take care of Jaemin. With you. And when you are in the military. He already calls me father. I just want to be his father properly.”

He sniffles, tears flooding his eyes. “Doyoung-ah”

“I thought I should step up if I want to be a dad Jaemin is proud to have. I wanted you to know beforehand. Before anything happens.” Doyoung is still nervous. It shows on his adorable pout. But he still grabs Jaehyun’s face and dries his tears.

“Do you want me there? If you do I can be-”

Doyoung shakes his head no. “Hyung will be there with me. I would prefer to do this alone without involving you two.”

Jaehyun accepts that. He knows how hard it can be. Despite his accepting mother he has seen people shattered around him. He still remembers the silent shield Taeyong put up for him years ago. Babying Jaehyun’s crush on him so no one would pick on Jaehyun. He wants to be that person to Doyoung. Someone he can trust and come to. So he nods along.

They take their time to the diner. When they enter the place there’s already meat on the grill. Their friends turn around to welcome them. Jaehyun gets crushed between Kun and Jungwoo at one point.

Food is always delicious. Here in this small corner of this town he feels safe. He is accepted here. He hasn't failed anyone. He doesn't have to be afraid to do so. 

He is not the one that is afraid currently. He isn't scared to live his life anymore. But Doyoung is.

Yet their friends easily wipe the concern away from Doyoung. They joke around. Mostly making fun of Doyoung’s remaining hairstyle after his military service. He has kept his hair quite short claiming it is easier to style. By not styling. Jaehyun doesn't really care. Some mornings he wakes up with a mess of hair, looking like a confused teenager. Adorable.

Sometimes it makes Jaehyun feel like he was there in the army. They could have gone in at the same time to lessen the pain of waiting. They couldn't. Jaehyun had to earn his degree while missing him terribly. Waiting for him to come back with a child in his arms. Like a moody war time movie.

Despite not having Doyoung around for a while, Jaehyun is grateful for those years too. He had his mother close by. His friends here helped out with everything. Jaemin learnt everything from them. He carries Taeyong and Jungwoo’s cute mannerisms. His favorite food is Taeil’s plain fish stew. He carries the cute accent of their town from time to time. The one Jaehyun tried too hard to get rid of.

Not having someone around to hold his hand through life was exhausting but it was worth it. For them to have what they have right now. Jaehyun wouldn't change a thing.

He is more than grateful to have Doyoung now. To be loved so much. So much that Doyoung has decided to speak up about them is something Jaehyun doesn't know how to handle. He never expected something like this.

Life is something they live through daily for people like them. Usually something too private that you cannot share with anyone. You will be lucky to have a partner to live life with. Jaehyun was lucky. He had a partner. He had a child. He never wanted to have more than this.

Yet now he struggles to sit still. The possible conversations play over and over in his head. The sad expression on Doyoung’s face. The exhaustion he always carries whenever he meets his family. Jaehyun doesn't want him to go alone. He wants to be there and take the backlash together.

As if he knows what Jaehyun’s thinking, Doyoung catches his gaze across the table. Just like the day he has confessed, Doyoung reads him silently before his expression turns all soft. His smile is gentle and assuring.

So Jaehyun trusts him, trusts that things will be okay.

❄❄❄

By the time Doyoung comes back, the town is already asleep. Jaehyun sits out on the porch with a can of beer in his hands. At this hour the sound of waves reaches their house. It barely helps with his anxiety. It’s better than dead silence, he supposes.

He sees Doyoung turn the corner to their street. His silhouette disappears in the shadows until the next street lamp casts on him. His hair is ruffled. Shoulders down.

Jaehyun rushes down the steps to welcome him at the front gate. Doyoung appreciates the warmth by crashing to his chest. Jaehyun snuggles him closer.

No words get spoken. They stand at the gate holding each other for the whole world to see. If anyone would have peeked out, they would have seen them. Yet at that moment neither of them care. Doyoung needs him there, to yearn.

His eyes are already glazed with tears by the time he gets a decent look at his lover. A faint handshape tints Doyoung’s cheekbone. He looks upset rather than sad. And so, so angry.

Unintentionally Jaehyun rubs over the red mark before cupping Doyoung’s cheeks. He forces his boyfriend to look up at him.

“It will be okay.” He whispers.

“I don't know.” Doyoung tries to hold himself together. It shows on the way his lips purse into a pout as he relaxes into Jaehyun’s hold.

“Hey, we are okay. You have me here. We have Jaemin.” He tries his best to assure Doyoung yet his words turn out to be what breaks Doyoung.

“She was ashamed of Jaemin.” He sniffles. “Told me I was stupid to father someone else’s child. Said so many horrible things about you and Jaemin- I- I was so angry Jaehyun-ah.” He holds onto Jaehyun’s sleeves. “You are everything I have. You helped me so much about building my life. I was a coward, a failure here, hiding. You helped me stand tall. Now we have a home. We have a son together.”

Doyoung sobs. Jaehyun cries with him.

“Jaemin is my son too.” His voice cracks before he hides his face into Jaehyun’s chest once again.

Jaehyun rubs his back while he cries. “You will always be Jaemin’s father. As long as you want us.”

“I love you so much-” Doyoung mumbles, muffled by Jaehyun’s sweater.

They chuckle at how his voice breaks. “I love you too, hyung.” Jaehyun mirrors.

❄❄❄

When Jaehyun wakes up it is unusually silent inside the small room. In a sleepy haze he turns to his side, indulging his lazy wishes. It takes maybe five minutes before the door slams open and a screaming Jaemin jumps over top of him.

He groans with the hit but lets his son snuggle under his arms.

“Jaemin-ah let your sleep!” Doyoung calls from somewhere near.

Jaehyun cracks a curious eye only to face an overly excited Jaemin pressing his face to his.

“Daddy! You have to wake up. Uncles are here!” He exclaims as if it explains everything. Jaehyun turns to Doyoung who is waiting by the door for a better answer.

“He saw Johnny’s car by the street.” Doyoung shrugs.

“What time is it?” His voice croaks.

“Just past nine. Sorry I couldn't stall Jaemin more. He wanted to be with you.”

“Thanks for letting me sleep in, baby.” He says more to Doyoung but Jaemin takes it upon himself.

“You welcome daddy.” He says cutely before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Now get up. I wanna play with uncles.”

That's a direct order Jaehyun has to follow.

By the time Jaehyun shakes off his sleepy haze and dresses himself into presentable clothes, something other than sweatpants, his friends are already there.

Yuta and Johnny are always joyful but that particular day it is on a different level. Yuta practicularly bursts through the old door of his mother’s house, pulling her into a tight hug.

Johnny follows with a bunch of shopping bags crowding his hands. “Mother! Happy Chuseok!”

That pulls Jaemin’s interest. Before he can put down all the bags, Jaemin jumps into Johnny’s arms. “Uncle!” He yells in excitement.

“Jaemin-ah, woah you grew so much since I saw you.” Johnny barely saves both of them from tumbling down. Yuta takes the rest of the bags out of his hand to help them.

“I got this tall.” Jaemin shows a hand above his head. Johnny indulges his nonsense bragging. 

While Jaehyun is focused on watching his son, he doesn't notice Yuta approaching him. Before he can grasp what is happening Yuta pulls him into a tight hug.

“Hey buddy.” Yuta says, patting his back.

Jaehyun wraps his arms around him as well. “Hey hyung.”

“You look good Jaehyun.”

“I feel good.” He says as they pull back. “Want some coffee? I am dying for a cup.”

Yuta smiles. “Come on let hyung make you a perfect cup of instant.” He throws his arm around Jaehyun and pulls him to the kitchen.

After making five cups of coffee, they find everyone already seated at the porch. Jaemin is hyperfocused on his grandma and papa. They are singing an old children’s song Jaehyun barely remembers while Johnny stares blankly at them.

The song is more of a local tradition. He doubts his friends understand a word of it with how heavy it is on the accent. Jaemin looks adorable as he tries to imitate Doyoung’s moves.

“How did they already teach him satoori?” Johnny questions as he takes his own cup.

“He barely lived in Seoul, hyung. Mom raised him, of course he has an accent.”

Yuta giggles as serving coffee peeks Jaemin’s curiosity. He quickly rushes to Yuta’s side asking what is in the cup and if he can taste it. Despite Jaehyun’s no, Yuta eventually dips his finger in the cup to let Jaemin nibble on it. He smirks at Jaehyun.

“You guys will be ruined once I teach him Japanese and you won't understand us. Aren't they, Jaemin-ah?”

“Yes uncle!” He yaps clinging onto Yuta’s side. “Uncle is so cool.”

Rest of their morning passes as Johnny and Yuta fight for Jaemin’s attention. Jaehyun tries to help his mother as much as he can knowing it’s their last day there. Most of the town visitors have already left, on the roads back to their homes. Jaehyun uses the advantage of living close by to its limits. Doyoung’s accepted staying for the full break even before they set on the road. Thankfully they don't have to skip between towns for their families like most of the population.

He spends most of the midday packing. Thanks to Jaemin they are spread everywhere in three days. It takes a while, switching the watch with Doyoung.

He is packing another small bag for their afternoon when Taeyong texts him, saying everyone’s already on the road. He quickly pushes a third change of clothes for Jaemin into the bag before he exits the room.

“Hyung!” He calls, turning all three heads. “Let’s go.”

They drive to a beach not far away from the town, only on the other side of the hill enclosing the town. It takes them about fifteen minutes driving the curvy mountain roads. When they park, most of the beach is empty. 

Their friends are already there, setting a seating arrangement for them. He sees Jungwoo carrying a heavy carry-on fridge while Taeyong handles a couple of chairs.

Jaemin literally screams their ears off when he sees the sea. 

Doyoung has to chase him to the coast for safety while Jaehyun scolds after the child. Eventually they catch him, Jaehyun keeping him in a tight hold until Doyoung manages to change him into swimming trunks. It’s all fun and games for Jaemin, seeing them struggle so much. He giggles and wails around to make Doyoung sweat even more as he puts on the sun shirt.

After the hardest part gets done, Johnny decides to save them from Jaemin’s mischief and takes over the watch.

For a breather they settle on a towel across Taeyong, who is covered from wrist to ankle despite being in autumn.

“What?” He shrugs at their stares. “It’s sunny and chilly.”

Kun’s boyfriend Ten, passes them small cans of beer. Taeyong already has one cracked in his hand. It’s nice like this. Calm while energetic ones running along the shore, Yuta filming them. 

Taeil eventually sits with them, too tired to keep up with Jungwoo, Jaemin and Johnny. He still smiles brightly.

“We saw each other yesterday but I have already missed you. It was so much fun when Jaehyun was here. I always had reasons to take days off to have the restaurant to ourselves. Feeding Jaemin-ie was a bonus too. Does he still enjoy marinated mackerels? I packed some for him.”

“Hyung, you know I don't know how to cook that.” Jaehyun whines.

“Just video call me or whatever Jaehyun and feed the child proper food.”

“Don't worry I got them. I force Jaehyun to cook at least three times a week.” Doyoung smirks behind his can. Boys laugh at the appalled expression Jaehyun has.

“Ohhh! Someone’s on a leash.” Ten jokes, poking Jaehyun’s side.

“No, it's because he loves me too much.” Doyoung jokes, out in the open. It’s nothing new to their friends. It’s already been four years since they announced it to them over a very crowded round of soju. Still, Jaehyun’s heart pangs a bit when he remembers how devastated Doyoung was last night. He reaches over to interlace their hands.

“Yeah, he is right.” He adds to the teasing of their friends.

They talk about anything and everything. Taeyong updates them about how well the citrus season will be. Taeil whines about all the tourists leaving the town. Kun keeps offering Jaehyun a job to come back because it’s too hard to be the only young lawyer in the district.

Eventually Johnny and Yuta join them with a soaked Jaemin screaming with joy. Jaehyun grabs him out of their friends' hands. Before he can turn around Doyoung comes to his rescue with a towel.

“You are gonna be sick like this baby.” He huffs, pressing Jaemin to his chest. He sends death glares at his friends. His mind struggles to understand how they can get soaked this much in minutes, without swimming.

“But Johnny uncle and I played so much, daddy. I can't be sick because it was fun.” Jaemin presses. 

“Of course you did.” He turns around. “Hyung, pass me the keys. I’ll change Jaemin into dry clothes.”

Doyoung rises to his feet. “I’ll come-”

“No-no, stay and drink your beer. I’ll take five minutes.”

It doesn't take five minutes. It takes much more than that with Jaemin refusing to cooperate.

“Why?” Jaehyun wails. “Jaemin-ah, please help me here.”

His son giggles as he stubbornly pushes his arm out of the neckhole of his shirt. Jaehyun gives up.

“Okay fine. Wear it however you like but don't come to me when uncles joke about it.” He pulls away. His son frowns as he thinks over the words before putting his shirt properly.

“Thank you, Jaemin.”

Jaemin smiles. “You’re welcome, daddy.”

Jaehyun groans but hauls him out of the car’s trunk where he made a makeshift changing room out of. He takes off the towel covering the side and places it with the rest of Jaemin’s clothes.

They go back eventually. When he sits down with Jaemin between his legs, people are already opening their third cans. He sighs as he finger-combs Jaemin’s hair.

Yuta’s the first one that sneaks closer to him. He always had this knack of reading moods, Jaehyun has never been an exception. He presses an open can to Jaehyun’s other hand.

“What’s with you today?” He asks, barely audible even for Jaemin. His son looks at them for a second before losing interest easily. They let him crawl towards his uncles. It’s better for Jaehyun.

“I-I am not sure.” He whispers back.

“But there’s something? What is it, tell me.” Yuta presses.

Jaehyun takes a moment. It takes some time for him to realize what’s going on. He hadn't realized he was mourning. Fretting about leaving Jaemin behind. Even if it is a duty. He hadn't realized he didn't want to leave this moment behind.

“I think I am scared, hyung.” He finally manages to say, voice cracking mid sentence.

He looks around at his friends. All laughing and playing along with his son as the sun washes their skins with warmth. A big patched up family of sorts. His son being the reason holding them together. He watches Jaemin run to Doyoung calling him dad. His heart feels tight.

Yuta places a hand at his nape, gently squeezing to relieve his stress.

“I don't wanna leave Jaemin.” He cries. Tears come later but he feels his eyes already watering as he speaks the words.

“Hey, hey you won't be leaving him. It’s just two years. You have your mother. You have us. You have Doyoung.” Yuta tries to console him before he breaks into a crying fit. It doesn't help.

“I know-” He sobs into his hands. He hears the chatter die down. Clearly becoming the center of attention.

“Daddy?” He hears Jaemin’s confused call. He opens his arms despite not being able to see him. He doesn't wanna face his friends like this. A crying mess.

Jaemin eventually slips into his arms.

“Daddy, what’s wrong? Did you get an ouchie?”

Jaehyun hides his face into Jaemin’s tiny shoulder. “I love you baby.” He whispers.

He doesn't see it but feels someone perching by them. Fingers graze his hair, trying to calm him.

“Jaehyun-ie, will you look at me?” Doyoung asks. It’s hard. He doesn't want to. To become a kid before his hyungs again. 

He eventually peeks when Doyoung’s hand on his cheek guides him.

“Why are you crying?” He whispers and wipes tears off Jaehyun's face.

“I don't want to leave. Not now. Not in a few months.” Jaehyun admits.

Doyoung’s worried expression softens clearly. A gentle smile takes over his lips. He sighs, taking in how devastated Jaehyun looks.

“I was going to do this properly at a better time but-” He says, digging into his short pockets. “I guess this is as good as ever.”

He takes out a tiny carton box, speaking as he takes off the lid. “I know this doesn't mean much when we can't do anything with it. But I thought about this for a long time and I guess this is a good next step, isn't it?” There are two rings inside the box, both big in size, ambiguous pattern wraps around them, identical. 

“Before you enlist, I wanted to give this to you so guys wouldn't pick on you for your son.” Doyoung chuckles nervously. “It’s not like wedding bands but- I just-”

“Hyung,” Jaehyun wavers. He can't even see his own hand when he reaches for the box because of welling tears.

“Papa, what are those?” Jaemin asks curiously, not minding his dad sobbing while hugging him.

“Come here Jaemin-ah. Let’s give daddy a second, huh.” He hears Doyoung speak before Jaemin slips out of his arms. He sobs. Sobs too loudly for his pride. The ring box gets crushed with how tightly he holds onto it.

A minute passes as he tries to keep it together. He wipes his face with the back of his hand before smiling at how stupid he looks.

“I think this is where I say ‘yes’ isn't it?” He chuckles awkwardly. Still sniffing.

“Yeah, baby.” Doyoung joins in. In second, they hear woos and ahs around them, cheering. “Want me to put it on you?”

Jaehyun snorts and pushes him away. He gets away from Doyoung’s teasing but can't escape Jaemin. “I want one too!” His son persists as Jaehyun wears the ring.

“I promise to get one for you too, Jaemin.” Doyoung settles with him. “But this ones for daddy.”

His heart remains heavy for a second. But something blooms there. Happy. Unconditionally fond. His friends’ cheers, his son’s joyful chuckles, his heart's loud beat… It reads like a dream at that moment. He stares at his hand for a while. The silver band rests on his finger. It must have been hard for Doyoung to do this. 

Everything about them has been hard since the beginning. Being  _ them  _ was hard. Being together. Yet Doyoung still wanted him, still wants him. Despite the long explanations he would have to give at work, despite people’s efforts to pry into their lives he wanted to keep Jaehyun. He wanted to become Jaehyun’s someone who he can brag about. That warms his heart more than taking their relationship to the next level.

Before he knows Doyoung links their hands together. “Would you put mine on too?” He whispers.

Jaehyun fishes the other ring before taking Doyoung’s hand. He slips on the ring carefully on his fourth finger. Their hands together, with matching rings… It’s all surreal to him. But Doyoung holds him, grounds him to reality.

“I’m here. I will always be here. You told me I could be Jaemin’s father but I also want to be your other half. I want to be with you until the end Jaehyun, whatever that might turn out to be.”

Jaehyun nods.

“Good. I don't want you to worry about things when you are doing your duty. Just like you filled in for me, I will be here for you.” Doyoung rests his forehead against Jaehyun’s. “Because I love you Jaehyun. We are partners and I don't want you to struggle when you have me to lean on.”

“I love you,” Jaehyun blurts.

Doyoung muses at him. “I love you too Jung Jaehyun.”

Despite being away from their apartment Jaehyun feels at home. Home is here, with their friends celebrating louder and more excited than them. Home is belonging to this town while not fitting in with them. Home is Jaehyun’s mother scolding them while Doyoung apologizes on his behalf. Home is waiting for Jaemin to come home from kindergarten. Home is holding onto Doyoung at late nights.

They belong together with their faults and rough edges, with their pasts and their future. For Jaehyun Doyoung is a part of his home. With his worried pouts, his deep sighs and solid voiced ideas, with loud cheers and silent car rides. Doyoung is his home. A part of him. One he cannot ever give up on.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> We have officially come to the very end of Jaehyun and Doyoung's journey. Their lives still will be full of problems to solve as they raise Jaemin together. I have many more headcanons that would not be great fic material but I loved writing this fic overall. Blue was an experiment for me that I ended up having a fondness over.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, if you have kudos and comments are very much appreciated.  
> You can find me on twitter at [outlawofideal](https://twitter.com/outlawofideal) and on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/outlawofideal) with the same handle.


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